Cover Critique: Too Awesome for Words

Let me preface this post by saying that my design critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.

Okay, I'm just going to give you a moment to take in the general magnificence that is this title and book cover.

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Have you had a good look? I dare any of you to read the title and then look at this strapping, leather-clad fellow and not crack a ridiculously huge smile. I honestly couldn't contain my snicker upon reading this alliteratively brilliant combination of words and knew instantly I had to share it with all of you. You're welcome.

Let's just take a closer look at everything shall we? First, I don't think we can go any further without discussing just what is happening with his outfit. It's, um, quite something. Apparently his virility is inversely linked to the length of his leather man-dress. The shorter it is, I'm assuming the more virile he becomes. So, I think it's safe to say our blonde, sword-wielding viking god is extraordinarily virile, not just very virile. But then we wouldn't have the alliterative effect, so very virile it is. Have you ever seen an outfit this short on a man? It definitely looks like a dress, perhaps even a skort, and I guess I'm having trouble understanding why he would be prepared to fight while wearing something that could ride up and reveal his assets to his opponents. Opponents who could possibly make him very sorry he chose this outfit when he finds his mini-viking a few inches shorter in length and a whole lot less virile.

Second, and this may not be appropriate blog talk, but I'm just going to put it out there–I would assume, in the romance novel world, that the more virile a man is is directly proportional to the size of his goods. Now, scrolling back up to look at his obscenely short, deep v-neck-with-pro-wrestling-belt ensemble makes me think maybe, if he was well-endowed, we should be getting a bit of a peep show out the bottom of this garment. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be crude, but I can't imagine he has a set of briefs to provide support given that he's a viking, so if we take into account the presumed angle of his dangle, some of his manhood should, in theory, be making an appearance. As it's not, I just have to question the title's appropriateness when read in conjunction with this image. (Obviously, that particular appendage could never appear on a book cover, so perhaps they just photoshopped it out and I've grossly underestimated him:)

Now, he does have a very large sword, so bonus points for him, but his stance doesn't seem overly menacing or masculine does it? He's got that gold-banded arm fisted and clenched like he's braced for battle, but that sword hand doesn't seem to be gripping his weapon with the same intensity. I'm not at all convinced he can wield either of his swords with any great skill. And can we discuss where he's standing? He appears to be in the middle of some sort of plowed and planted field. Is this a virility reference? He's good at planting seeds? His seed results in great bounty? Is that what I'm supposed to be getting from this? I see no battle going on around him, so I'm not quite sure why he's all by his oddly-dressed lonesome in the middle of a field at sunrise/sunset. With the rising/setting of the sun a great viking warrior will come in a glorious blaze of fertility and everything he um, plants, will grow and be plentiful? That's personally what I'm choosing to take from this, if you have a better explanation, I'd love to hear it!

Have a good weekend everyone!