Cover Critique: The From Behind Romantic Tackle

Let me preface this post by saying that my critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.

I know it's been a little while on the critique guys I'm so sorry! Blogger fail. I did 3 covers this week though, so hopefully that makes up for it a little bit.

In my scouring of the internet for the most entertaining of book covers, I began to notice a trend in the poses for historical romance novels and thought I would share my findings with you. I have dubbed it "The From Behind Romantic Tackle". Brilliance, thy name is Jenny. Try not to be intimidated by my way with words, I'm just really on my game today. Enjoy!



So. What exactly do you think he's doing to her? I'm assuming this is supposed to be a passionate embrace given that his hand is all up in her business, but it almost looks as though he's hit some sort of pressure point and just doubled her over doesn't it? The bare skin of her upper thighs must be super sensitive for her to have this incredibly dramatic response to the brush of his fingers, or perhaps we just need to give our kudos to him for having such orgasmic digits. Bravo you master manipulator of the metacarpals!

I've seen cover after cover with this pose (though not so many with this level of enthusiasm, well done cover models, well done!) and it just makes me giggle at the idea that being pounced on from behind, essentially bent in half, and then heavily breathed on is an adequate method of seduction. Maybe I'm just a prude who's not thinking outside the box though. Maybe I'm underestimating the sexiness that is my ear being panted on while the fabric of my dress is getting far more action as my sexy shirtless hero bunches it up than I myself am getting.

Let's see another example shall we?



Ah, look at this clever fellow. He's making this pose his own by switching up the ear/neck breathing and focusing his smoldering exhalations on her eye. Good on you my friend. Way to be a leader and not a follower you magnificent male specimen, show those other romance heroes what you're made of!

While his creative liberty is nothing short of admirable, looking at her face makes me think perhaps it's not really having the desired effect. The woman on the cover of Wild at least seems to be awake and somewhat actively participating in the tackle-de-amor, but this woman appears to have passed out. She also seems to have some sort of problem breathing through her nose given her mouth is gaping open, though it might be entirely possible that our fair-haired romeo could benefit from a mint and the only way she can get into things is to breathe through her mouth. Poor girl.

I would like to be present for some of these photo shoots and see the before and after images wouldn't you? Before I just picture this woman standing there in his embrace, looking bored and wondering how much longer she has to wear 20lbs of red plaid fabric while feigning arousal. Then, as soon as they say action, her knees buckle, her back arches, and her jaw drops open on a dreamy sigh as he does absolutely nothing but press his goods into her backside and blow hot air on her eye. Sexy time has commenced people.

This last one is not a historical romance cover, but it still fits my theme for today's post and is extraordinarily entertaining, so be ready.



Well then. This couple is taking the tackle to a whole new level aren't they? Before we get sidetracked with the fact that he's copping a feel of her breast in order to provide her just a touch of modesty on this cover (so thoughtful isn't he?), I'd like to discuss the spatial relationship of his appendages. Can you just look at where his right elbow is in relation to where his right shoulder should be behind her? He has a stump of an upper right arm apparently because those proportions just don't make sense. The musculature of that same forearm also doesn't seem to match that of his left biceps, so I have no idea who is actually feeling this young woman up. We have a mystery arm with a nipple fetish here. Creepy.

And where has her right arm gone? This is quite the conundrum isn't it? I'm actually beginning to wonder if these two people were actually ever in this picture together or if they were photoshopped into this position. Not only do we have the missing limb/stunted arm situation, but his face seems to have gotten stuck inside her face, as though she has somehow absorbed him. What!? I'm so thoroughly confused and it just makes me happy. Who loves this cover? *raises both hands*

Happy Friday Everyone!