I want to start off by saying I stared at this cover for a good long time pondering how I was going to talk about it in a way that would be appropriate for a public forum, and a public forum that deals primarily with young adult literature no less. After stewing for a while I said "screw it" and decided to just put my thoughts out there ;-)
At first glance I thought this cover was gorgeous (I still do illustration-wise, it just makes me giggle a bit now because my maturity level at times dips dangerously low). It's bright, colorful and I've always been a fan of illustrated book covers, so this was pretty much an all around win for me. Then I scanned down this lovely image and noticed that her butt crack seems to have sprouted copious amounts of vegetation, an observation that forced me to retract all previous positive thoughts. My brain stuttered to a complete halt when I saw these flowers springing forth from between her cheeks and I'm pretty sure I have yet to recover. The word "why" keeps running through my mind on a continuous loop and I have no answers to serve as a salve to help heal the wound in my soul these butt blooms have ripped open.
Has she been eating magical beans? Is this where the "enchanted" element comes into play? She's consumed magical beans as opposed to regular ones so when she, um, toots she leaves behind a trail of flowering vines? Is that what's happening here? Well, isn't that just whimsical. No noxious fumes for this girl my friends! Nope, her gaseous releases instead cause vibrant foliage to bloom and thrive. How gloriously disturbing. I'm pretty sure those are flowers I will not be taking the time to smell no matter how fresh, natural, and full of life her backside apparently is.
The line of text underneath the title says "More Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women." Um. I'm a woman, and I assure you I want no erotic stories wherein flora burst from a character's crack like the aliens in Stephen King's Dreamcatcher. Thank you, but I pass with enthusiasm. And furthermore, because I know these are erotic stories, the stem of that pumpkin begins to look more and more phallic the longer I stare at it, and my mind begins to wander off in uncomfortable directions mulling over what exactly is going to take place in these bedtime tales. *full body shudder*
Because this title includes the word "again" I figured there was a prequel to this book floating around out there, and honestly, I couldn't contain my morbid curiosity and wanted to see if the first book depicted vines leaking out of other orifices that might fascinate and horrify me at the same time. So of course I looked it up:
Huh. I'm both relieved and a little let down that this cover seems so beautifully normal. Why doesn't she have some sort of strange nipple blossom? Or a pair of titty flowers if you will? I was so prepared for a full brain shutdown and restart that I can't help but feel a touch disappointed. I do so hope there's a third volume in the works ;-)
Have a great weekend everyone and Happy 4th of July to my US friends and readers!
Oh God. I love it when you talk about covers. I was wondering about the butt flowers too :)
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, that is just so, so strange. P.S. We obviously share the same maturity level because 'titty flowers' made me burst out laughing.
ReplyDeleteAt first glance, the cover does give the illusion of being stunning. When I looked closer, I realized how ridiculous it is :D
ReplyDeleteYour description of the cover is hilarious, Jenny!I love your cover critiques.
Brandi - There's just no explanation for the butt blooms really. I know we had to cover her crack for censorship purposes, but really?
ReplyDeleteAshley - YES! I'm not alone in my immaturity:)
Misha - It's beautiful when you first look at it! Then you see her butt and the nature and things just go down hill:)
Ha ha ha ha I am laughing so hard. She is sprouting a pumpkin out her anus.. or so it looks.. lmbo.
ReplyDeleteHow is it erotic if you can't help but wonder if that pumpkin is related to the plant from Little Shop of Horrors? Ewwwww. Love the post!
ReplyDeleteSame damn thing happen to me ever time I sit on a pumpkin.
ReplyDeleteLoretta - She definitely is. It's wrong on so many levels:)
ReplyDeleteBrandy - That is a disturbing thought. Ew is right:)
Robin - LOL!!!! How embarrassing for you ;-)
Personally I was a little worried about the big ol pumpkin :) Oh my LOL Thanks for sharing today, you made me smile.
ReplyDeleteLMAO! Something tells me that hemorrhoid cream won't help that poor girl, but perhaps Roundup Weed & Grass Killer will.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks a lot for making me full body shudder by first, reminding me of that scene in Dreamcatcher (Gah) and second or pointing out the stem (double gah).
I agree, after the awesomeness of the second cover the first is rather dull. LOL
I am not gonna crack a joke about that , no pun intended
ReplyDelete*giggles* oh how I love you and your cover critiques... And I most definitely agree with you on this, I mean it definitely looks like they are coming out of her butt. I think it was just a way to get her naked on the cover without her being too naked... but the result is a lill disturbing...
ReplyDeleteAlso... is she a Faerie, or just enchanted because quite frankly if my hair would be flowers and vines I don't think I would sleep very well.. Also, how do you wash your hair like this?
I love your cover critiques. Sometimes I wonder what will happen if you run out of insane covers to talk about... but then I remember that the romance genre is pretty much chock-full of wacky covers.
ReplyDeleteAh, pumpkin butt. You know, I thought the vines were growing towards her posterior... as in, she's been sitting there for waaaay too long.
And is it just me, or are that flower-thing on the other cover looming rather menacingly over this poor fainted lady?
LMAO!!! My first thought too was why does she has a pumpkin growing out of her bottom too.
ReplyDeleteI love this feature :)
Well, she sort of has a giant flower growing out of her ear in the second picture...
ReplyDeleteOkay...weirdness. At first I thought that was really pretty, like you did. But then you think about it some more and it just gets odd. It makes me go back to 7th grade snickering too.
ReplyDeleteOne very large round pumpkin and a tiny little stem not where my erotic fantasy would normally stray. I am intrigued by the pumpkin vine that is growing up her back and into her hair which will make it very hard for her to leave this pumpkin. But the art work is lovely.
ReplyDeleteYou critique is hilarious! Thank you for the laugh! ;)
ReplyDeleteUmm, very awkward pose. I;m not sure how i feel about the leaves coming out of her arse! I mean geeze that's got to hurt! LOL
ReplyDeleteDenise - The pumpkin is a bit worrisome as well, there's just so much to look at and wonder about with this cover. It just makes me happy:)
ReplyDeleteMissie - We should all chip in and buy her some weed killer! No one should have to grow plants from their bum. And you're welcome for the Dreamcatcher reference;)
Blodeuedd - HA!
Danny - It was definitely a way to cover up her nudity, I just feel like perhaps it could have been done differently;) And I have no idea what's going on with her hair, she just has plants everywhere.
Madigan - I hope I never run out, that would be so very disappointing:) And that plant over her head on the second lady is rather menacing. At least it's not sexually assaulting her.
Nic - As soon as I fixated on the plants and the pumpkin-butt, it's all I could see:)
Laura - This is true, I just can't help but wonder what the next cover could look like...
Jan - I can honestly say mine would not head in that direction either, but maybe weird on our own on that count;) The illustration itself is beautiful though!
Nina - You're welcome!
Savy - I'm not sure how I feel either. Mostly disturbed, but also a little happy because it made my day when I saw it:)
Haha. That first one had me laughing out loud. Every time you post a new cover critique, I immediately question who on earth approved and/or came up with these covers? They should be on SNL not on books! Your "magical bean" comment had me laughing. I love these posts, Jenny!
ReplyDeleteO.o
ReplyDeleteo.O
this, is the most startling cover yet (!)
and, as always, insanely LOVE your commentary <3
OMG that cover is so hilarious and weird! If I was the author, I probably would be a bit embarrassed by the cover.
ReplyDeleteI love these and can't wait for them in the week. You are so funny with your cover descriptions that i know you will not let me down with a good laugh. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd the cover is totally weird. At first i was like thats beautiful but the longer you look at it its totally like you say.
LOL @ magical beans! I can’t imagine sitting sans pants on anything, let alone a pumpkin. Are pumpkins even capable of supporting the weight of a grown woman? Of course maybe I’m just a prude ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's a very artistic and creative cover but the plants growing up her backside just ruins it.
ReplyDeleteChrisS
Christina - You just have to wonder about the "enchanted" aspect. I wouldn't consider having plants growing out my backside as "enchanting". But that's just me;)
ReplyDeleteNomes - It's pretty amazing I think:)
Bailey - It's both pretty and also disturbing at the same time, I love it:)
Laura - Yay! So glad you enjoy them:) When I first saw the thumbnail I was like "oooo pretty, must click and make it larger" and then I did and I busted out laughing:)
Christie - I can't either. I'm pants girl, so that makes us prudes together at least:)
Chris - It's beautiful for sure, it's just a little awkward!
Thanks for commenting on my TGIF. I think Eric is so much better too!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have a great weekend as well.
The cover does at first glance look very pretty, but your right the butt crack flowers takes it from pretty to weird. Butt Flora (hysterical) is a big downer....LOL- not that Ive had butt flora, oh wait, I guess all women have butt flora not butt stinky...:D
ReplyDeleteOmigosh. Is she pooping pumpkins? *shudder-laugh*
ReplyDeleteI actually quite like the cover of the prequel. If only the illustrator had put a little more thought into where the vines were sprouting from in the sequel. :P
thanks for today's laugh. the first book looks lovely though!
ReplyDeleteHi, there! Thanks for commenting on my blog and following! I'm following you back.
ReplyDeleteThis post has got to be one of the most HILARIOUS ones I've ever read! OMG! Hysterical! And by the way, it's also very creative! I love the way you, um, expound on the possible reasons for the pumpkin blooms being placed at such a strategic point... I wonder what the publishers were smoking, when they approved this cover for publication...it's so completely tasteless, not to mention ridiculous! Well, I'd never have come across something like this, since I don't like reading erotica. Still, they should really have come up with something more, well, ENCHANTING.
I don't much like the first cover either, but at least there are no strangely growing blooms on it! Lol.
Maria @ http://anightsdreamofbooks.blogspot.com/
I will never look at pumpkins the same way again.
ReplyDeleteLOL Such bad placement of the pumpkin but I guess its one of those what were they thinking moments.
ReplyDeleteTina - Butt flora is a bit of a downer isn't it? Tragic really:)
ReplyDeleteLauren - The illustrations are both gorgeous, it's just the funny placement in the second book - I have to laugh:)
Aloi - You're welcome!
Maria - You're welcome, and I'm glad you enjoyed the critique:):)
Riv - Me either ;)
Jenny - Exactly!
I'm with you... it's like the first one... I love it! and then... uh... WTF? Oh they took such potential *snicker* and then just planted it. All I can say is... What WAS she eating???? :P
ReplyDeleteLove this meme!
I was just stopping by your blog and didn't realize it was cover critique day. Like you I was OMG - what book is that?? It's gorgeo....wait a minute....is that a pumpkin growing out of that girls a**??
ReplyDeleteIt's so perfectly aligned with her crack. Too funny.
That's just... wrong on SO many levels!! LOL
ReplyDeleteGoodness what a shocker when the page loaded and I got a look at that cover! Fantastic critique as usual! That is just...well...you said it all!
ReplyDeleteOh that was great, thanks for the fits of giggles. Titty Flowers.. bwahahahha
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, new follower. Awesomesauce
Erika @ badass book reviews
LMAO omg why do I forget to keep checking these post because I am guaranteed a good laugh everytime .
ReplyDeleteI opened this up in my reader and I said "OH MY GOD!" out loud! WOW! The pumpkin stem! You are so right!
ReplyDeleteI keep laughing every time I stare at that cover. Yep, I'm as immature as you :) The illustration of the older cover though isn't as nice in terms of the brightness of the colours.
ReplyDeletePhallic Pumpking stem, you got it in one Jenny! I still on first glance am like you in love with the vibrant covers, if I never read your laugh out loud assessment I would have never given it a second thought!
ReplyDeleteHave a great 4th to you and yours!
When I first saw the cover I thought that it was breathtaking... But after reading your thoughts Jenny, well all I can do is shake my head...
ReplyDeleteHas she been eating magical beans? Head meet palm... ;)
Yikes! Not a place we want flowers...
ReplyDeletehaha, these always make me giggle!
ReplyDeleteWut.
ReplyDeleteI can only think the word, "Why?" as well upon looking at that cover. Pass with enthusiasm indeed! Heh.
Haha! This is strange cover indeed. My first thought was "ouch!" Happy 4th!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, there are so many wonderful elements in this cover and it's completely ruined by magic butt crack plants.
ReplyDeleteOH GOD, THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY EVEN BETTER. C:
ReplyDeleteAND I LOVE RATING COVERS. IT'S WHAT LURES THE READERS TO THE BOOKS. <3
Ok! *struggles to recover from giggling fit* Ok, you are officially the queen of cover critics. I almost fell off my seat laughing, which wouldn't have been good. How do you find these, is what I want to know?! *goes back up to look at cover. bursts into laughter again* God, I can't seem to stop laughing! *sigh*
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me laugh - as you always do - Jenny! :D
Magical beans? LOL I was thinking, "Hummm chica, I don't think you should sit there. You could get stuff up in your girly parts, ya know?"
ReplyDeletePfffahahhaha! Butt blossoms?!?! Perfect. She really should get that checked out. It cannot be comfortable having roots and vines shooting out of one's butt.
ReplyDeleteLOL at the falic pumpkin stem hehe Love it =P
ReplyDeleteLOL I can't stop laughing, just hilarious! :D
ReplyDeletehahaha, I had to check if there's a sequel, so here it is: http://img1.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/c5/c26433.jpg
ReplyDelete