Cover Critique: Bad Brad + An Enchanted Update

Let me preface this post by saying that my critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.



Um. I'm not sure I can fully express my thoughts on this cover in words, but I'm going to try. Maybe talking it out will help me better understand just what is happening here because I find myself at a loss. Why, oh why, has the image of his body been cropped this way? Basically, and stop me if I'm wrong, it looks like Brad here is beginning to lift a leg as though he's going to pass gas and send those little candle flames up in a blaze of smelly glory with his noxious fumes. Is that why he's bad? He ruins the Festival of Lights by stripping naked and then streaking from one light show to the next farting on candles? Is that what I'm to take away from this cover? One word my friends: Sexy. I personally find myself unbearably attracted to men who use their body's natural flatulence in creative, if fire hazardous, ways. Honestly, who doesn't? You and me Brad, we're a match made in heaven.

So, now that we've established that our naughty friend Brad either enjoys having his butt cheeks singed and/or thinks farting on flames is hilarious, we can afford to look at the other element on the cover: A coil of rope. Huh. Does he tie people up and torture them by forcing them to stay in the same room with him while he puts on his little show? *full body shudder* I can just picture this as some sort of fraternity stunt where a poor pledge is tied to a chair in a room full of candles, covered with a blanket and then forced to endure a repeated dutch oven by Brad and company. Romantic feelings this cover does not inspire.

I think we're supposed to get an erotic BDSM vibe with the candles and the rope and the nakedness, but the way all the elements come together is just so very wrong. I keep blinking at the image thinking maybe the next time I close my eyes I'm going to open them to find the candles have been snuffed out by Bad Brad's wind, and in my infinite maturity, I find that endlessly amusing. Win.

Moving on from Baddy McBad above, some of you may remember a few weeks back I did a critique of some beautifully illustrated covers that were just a touch awkward due to the foliage emerging from the young woman's backside. If you missed that one, or can't recall it, allow me to refresh your memory:


Ah yes, the butt blooms. Magnificent. Since the little tagline said "more erotic bedtime stories" I figured there must have been a prequel to the above title and got very excited as to what it could possibly look like after the gorgeous bizarreness of this one. So I looked it up and found this:



I was most aggrieved at the seeming normalcy of this cover, and you may remember I had been hoping for some sort of nipple blossom in this image given that her bum was the focus of book two. Well, ask and ye shall receive my friends, ask and ye shall receive. Behold:



What a spectacular titty lily she has! She's positively orgasmic over the fact that her breasts have spawned such a monstrous flower, and I have to say I feel just a bit self-conscious that my own boobs have no such abilities. Alas, my nipples are quite infertile. How disappointing for me.

She better come out of her pleasure-induced stupor quickly though, those black birds seem to have a keen interest in her bosom flora and look as though they are gearing up to dive bomb her chest at any moment. Snap out of it my little naked nymph, danger is brewing!

The illustration on this cover again is beautiful, but the placement of the flower just makes me giddy happy. A big thank you to Aleksandra for finding this gem and bringing it to my attention!

Happy Friday Everyone:)