I'm beside myself with excitement (and okay, nerves as well - I'm a wuss) today as I have the pleasure of welcoming author Laurie Faria Stolarz to the blog as part of the fantastic Halloween Thrills and Chills tour hosted by The Midnight Garden. Laurie is the author of Welcome to the Dark House (among other titles) which released this past summer from Disney Hyperion, and she's here to share with us the rules for surviving a house of horrors.
I can't even explain to you how much I need these rules because I'm not what one might call a horror situation survivor. Oh no. I'm the girl that would instead meet a gruesome end in the opening chapter of a book or opening scene of a movie, so I'll take all the help Laurie is willing to give!
This tour promises to be crazy fun, so be sure and check out the bottom of the post for the full schedule and list of participating blogs. You don't want to miss out on more spooky guest posts and chances to win!
15 RULES FOR SURVIVING A HOUSE OF HORRORS
1 - Don’t panic. Easier said than done. But ghosts, ghouls, killers, monsters, etc., etc., can smell fear. Only the strongest of mind survive.
2 - Get out. What’s that? The door won’t open? The knob won’t turn? Unlock the door. Sounds pretty logical, but if you’re in a house of horrors, you probably aren’t thinking straight. Read Rule #1, take a deep breath, and know that most doors lock from the inside.
3 - The phone line’s been cut? Your cell phone has no reception? The power is out. Is all of that not enough of a clue to heed Rule #2.
4 - Trust no one. Everyone’s a suspect. Be on guard at all times.
5 - Do you hear a creak/crack/whisper/rattle/jingle/jangle/pop/insert-your-favorite-creepy-noise-here coming from up- or downstairs? Do not go to investigate it. Simply ignore the noise and read Rule #2.
6 - Is that a Ouiji Board on the dining room table? Stay far, far away from it.
7 - And speaking of staying away… Steer clear of dolls. So what if they’re cute with smiling faces. If you’re in a house of horrors then they’re pretty much guaranteed to be evil. That little glimmer in their eyes is mere excitement for what will become of you if you don’t follow Rule #2.
8 - Something else to stay away from: clowns. Clowns are evil. Enough said.
9 - Don’t go up- or downstairs. Read Rule #2.
10 - Don’t ever assume that the killer is dead. These guys have nine lives. If he (or she) looks dead, it’s probably just a trick.
11 - Don’t ever assume that if you can’t see the killer, he can’t see you. He’s merely watching you from afar, studying your every move.
12 - Don’t take a shower. I know. This should be obvious, but we’ve seen enough horror movies where someone’s disrobing and hopping into a steamy shower, haven’t we?
13 - Something else that should seem obvious: while inside a house of horrors, do not engage in romance. The end result is never worth it.
14 - Pay attention to small children and animals. They’re super-intuitive with respect to ghouls and ghosts and know what they’re talking (or barking) about.
15 - While skulking around the house of horrors, should you learn that it was built on some sort of sacred burial ground, heed Rule #2.
• • • • • • • • • • •
WELCOME TO THE DARK HOUSE
What’s your worst nightmare?
For Ivy Jensen, it’s the eyes of a killer that haunt her nights. For Parker Bradley, it’s bloodthirsty sea serpents that slither in his dreams.
And for seven essay contestants, it’s their worst nightmares that win them an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look at director Justin Blake’s latest, confidential project. Ivy doesn’t even like scary movies, but she’s ready to face her real-world fears. Parker’s sympathetic words and perfect smile help keep her spirits up. . . at least for now.
Not everyone is so charming, though. Horror-film fanatic Garth Vader wants to stir up trouble. It’s bad enough he has to stay in the middle of nowhere with this group—the girl who locks herself in her room; the know-it-all roommate; “Mister Sensitive”; and the one who’s too cheery for her own good. Someone has to make things interesting.
Except, things are already a little weird. The hostess is a serial-killer look-alike, the dream-stealing Nightmare Elf is lurking about, and the seventh member of the group is missing.
By the time Ivy and Parker realize what’s really at stake, it’s too late to wake up and run.
• • • • • • • • • • •
LAURIE FARIA STOLARZ
Laurie Faria Stolarz is the author of Deadly Little Secret, Deadly Little Lies, Deadly Little Games, Deadly Little Voices, and Deadly Little Lessons, as well as Project 17; Bleed; and the highly popular Blue Is for Nightmares; White Is for Magic; Silver Is for Secrets; Red Is for Remembrance; and Black Is for Beginnings. Born and raised in Salem, Massachusetts, Stolarz attended Merrimack College and received an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College in Boston. Laurie lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts
• • • • • • • • • • •
GIVEAWAY
Thanks to the amazing team at Disney Hyperion, there is a fantastic giveaway accompanying this tour. Up for grabs is a Thrills and Chills box of horror! Includes copies of the following new releases:
Mary: The Summoning
The Screaming Staircase
The Whispering Skull
The Whispering Skull
Welcome to the Dark House
The box will be delivered just in time for spooky Halloween reading. Open to US and Canadian residents, see complete rules on entry form below.
Be sure and follow the rest of the tour, more thrills, chills, and chances to win are guaranteed!
THRILLS AND CHILLS: HALLOWEEN EVENT TOUR
with Jonathan Stroud, Hillary Monahan, and Laurie Stolarz
Wednesday, Oct 1 - The Midnight Garden - 5 Questions with Jonathan Stroud
Thursday, Oct 2 - The Starry-Eyed Revue - Into the Spooky Swamp Setting of Mary: The Summoning
Friday, Oct 3 - Supernatural Snark - Rules for Surviving a House of Horrors
Monday, Oct 6 - Xpresso Reads - Deleted Scene from Mary: The Summoning
Tuesday, Oct 7 - Love is Not a Triangle - 5 Questions with Laurie Stolarz
Wednesday, Oct 8 - For the Love of Words - 10 Great Horror Films with Jonathan Stroud
Thursday, Oct 9 - Winterhaven Books - How I Became a Horror Fan
Friday, Oct 10 - YA Romantics - Quiz: What Dark House Character Are You?
Monday, Oct 13 - My Friends Are Fiction - Fashion Accessories for Ghosthunters
Tuesday, Oct 14 - The Flyleaf Review - 5 Questions with Hillary Monahan
Wednesday, Oct 15 - Books with Bite - Top 10 Items to Survive The Dark House Amusement Park
Thursday, Oct 16 - The Social Potato - A Tour of Jonathan Stroud's Writing Space
I won't ever need these tips and tricks because there's no way I'm ever approaching a haunted house!!
ReplyDeleteThis was still fun to read, Jenny. Thanks for sharing! :)
AWESOME RULES!!!!! I love this list! Will always heed Rule #2, no matter how curious I am. Thank you for this awesome giveaway:)
ReplyDeleteSuch a fun post? I thoroughly believe in staying away from ouiji boards and dolls! But what fun would scary movies be if the characters were smart!
ReplyDeleteLOL #12! After I watched the original Psycho I made sure the door was locked before hopping in the shower. And yes, porcelain dolls may look pretty but they give me the shivers.
ReplyDeleteMost of those rules seem like common sense but I know I would be the first to panic and common sense would be out the window! Will try to remember Rule #2 and that should cover all the others ;)
ReplyDeleteThese made me laugh. Of course there is a Ouija board on the table!
ReplyDeleteTia
Now that would have been a cool giveaway to enter
ReplyDeleteI'd probably be the first one to die, I panic under pressure and I don't run very fast. Nice rules, she's obviously watch lots of horror movies. I'm always screaming at them, hit him again, he's not dead! haha I'm terrible. Nice post, thanks for the giveaway. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat tips, but I would probably go down with the first wave. LOL I just have a feeling I'd be the one someone would trip so they could get away. :p
ReplyDelete#5 is a great rule. We heard Christmas chimes coming from my attic once (no one was up there) and my mom went up to the noise. I kept thinking of every horror movie I've ever seen and I stayed put, yelling at her not to die while she rolled her eyes at me.
ReplyDeleteSCARY! Not a fan of scary things. Excellent post though!
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting and fun list; I loved reading through it! I want to win these books because I've always liked creepy stories and I think I would really enjoy them. Thanks for the giveaway!
ReplyDeleteLove these! I am a huge chicken so I think everything I have ever learned would just fly right out the window if I was in a scary situation. :P
ReplyDeletethat's some great rules there! I love them. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteOh good I'm such a wuss when it comes to these types of things so if I ever get over my fear and actually find myself in a place like that I'll have to come back to your page and read these tips again.LOL. J can see myself in a scary house that's pitch black just in a corner with ten cellphone looking for tips! LOL
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great read! And I agree that I don't think I'll get into a haunted house, but if I ever find myself in one, I'll be sure to try and remember these rules!
ReplyDeleteI'm also a big wuss Jenny, so I'm afraid I wouldn't last long on any horror movie/book setting either!!
Love this! Especially #12 - there's always that one person who stupidly does this, and I always want to shake some sense into them!
ReplyDeleteI 100% agree with the clowns are evil rule. We all know they are... and it would just be a good idea to stay away from them. The same goes for dolls.
ReplyDeleteEven knowing these rules though, I'd probably be the first one to die. I tend to freak out during the situation than I do afterwards so I'd end up doing something stupid as I got more and more worked up and then I'd be the first one to die.
*sigh*
Thank you so much for sharing these fun rules with us, Jenny!! :)
Rashika @ The Social Potato
I have two fears: Clowns and Dolls. They are just plain spooky to me.
ReplyDeleteThis venue is a true gem- it was intimate (we had 100 guests) and has a lot of character, which allowed us not to have to invest in extra lighting or decorations.
ReplyDeleteLol, wise tips for if I ever go to a haunted house (which I won't :P). Have you read this one, Jenny? If so, how was it?
ReplyDeleteHalloween is my favorite time of year! I love all things spooky and scary, and I love that tingly feeling that comes with that thrill of fear. Good tips to remember, cuz I would def jump into that house! Those books all sound fantastic too! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteMary DeBorde (M.A.D.)
ReplyDeleteThose are ALL great tips (especially #10 because the killer is NEVER dead just the first time lol) .... maybe I'd survive the House of Horrors to live another day ;) (or NOT) hehe
YAY! I'm a part of this tour too Jenny! EEP> Excited.
ReplyDeleteI wish these rules could be applied to everything scary always forever but I think that would ruin all the fictional fun, however in the ~real world~ I'll keep these in mind.
ReplyDeleteNot that I'd ever go into a creepy house in the first place.
Okay, I might.
I would love to pretend I would follow all those rules and make it out but in all reality I'd probably throw up then pass out.. Maybe not in that order but yea that'd be the end of me
ReplyDeleteProbably not; nice tips to share
ReplyDeleteLove all these rules! Even though I'm sure if I were ever in a haunted house I'd probably forget all of them.
ReplyDeleteI say that I probably would but logically, fear would take over and I would totally freak out and probably not get out lol. Thanks for the giveaway and the awesome tips!
ReplyDeleteI would try and follow the rules, but fear would definitely take over and I be that stupid girl running into danger.
ReplyDeleteBest horror rules ever. This should be printed and framed and hung on the wall of every house. Like exit maps! And see rules 7 and 8. YES!
ReplyDelete