I'm beside myself with excitement (and okay, nerves as well - I'm a wuss) today as I have the pleasure of welcoming author Laurie Faria Stolarz to the blog as part of the fantastic Halloween Thrills and Chills tour hosted by The Midnight Garden. Laurie is the author of Welcome to the Dark House (among other titles) which released this past summer from Disney Hyperion, and she's here to share with us the rules for surviving a house of horrors.
I can't even explain to you how much I need these rules because I'm not what one might call a horror situation survivor. Oh no. I'm the girl that would instead meet a gruesome end in the opening chapter of a book or opening scene of a movie, so I'll take all the help Laurie is willing to give!
This tour promises to be crazy fun, so be sure and check out the bottom of the post for the full schedule and list of participating blogs. You don't want to miss out on more spooky guest posts and chances to win!
15 RULES FOR SURVIVING A HOUSE OF HORRORS
1 - Don’t panic. Easier said than done. But ghosts, ghouls, killers, monsters, etc., etc., can smell fear. Only the strongest of mind survive.
2 - Get out. What’s that? The door won’t open? The knob won’t turn? Unlock the door. Sounds pretty logical, but if you’re in a house of horrors, you probably aren’t thinking straight. Read Rule #1, take a deep breath, and know that most doors lock from the inside.
3 - The phone line’s been cut? Your cell phone has no reception? The power is out. Is all of that not enough of a clue to heed Rule #2.
4 - Trust no one. Everyone’s a suspect. Be on guard at all times.
5 - Do you hear a creak/crack/whisper/rattle/jingle/jangle/pop/insert-your-favorite-creepy-noise-here coming from up- or downstairs? Do not go to investigate it. Simply ignore the noise and read Rule #2.
6 - Is that a Ouiji Board on the dining room table? Stay far, far away from it.
7 - And speaking of staying away… Steer clear of dolls. So what if they’re cute with smiling faces. If you’re in a house of horrors then they’re pretty much guaranteed to be evil. That little glimmer in their eyes is mere excitement for what will become of you if you don’t follow Rule #2.
8 - Something else to stay away from: clowns. Clowns are evil. Enough said.
9 - Don’t go up- or downstairs. Read Rule #2.
10 - Don’t ever assume that the killer is dead. These guys have nine lives. If he (or she) looks dead, it’s probably just a trick.
11 - Don’t ever assume that if you can’t see the killer, he can’t see you. He’s merely watching you from afar, studying your every move.
12 - Don’t take a shower. I know. This should be obvious, but we’ve seen enough horror movies where someone’s disrobing and hopping into a steamy shower, haven’t we?
13 - Something else that should seem obvious: while inside a house of horrors, do not engage in romance. The end result is never worth it.
14 - Pay attention to small children and animals. They’re super-intuitive with respect to ghouls and ghosts and know what they’re talking (or barking) about.
15 - While skulking around the house of horrors, should you learn that it was built on some sort of sacred burial ground, heed Rule #2.
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WELCOME TO THE DARK HOUSE
What’s your worst nightmare?
For Ivy Jensen, it’s the eyes of a killer that haunt her nights. For Parker Bradley, it’s bloodthirsty sea serpents that slither in his dreams.
And for seven essay contestants, it’s their worst nightmares that win them an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look at director Justin Blake’s latest, confidential project. Ivy doesn’t even like scary movies, but she’s ready to face her real-world fears. Parker’s sympathetic words and perfect smile help keep her spirits up. . . at least for now.
Not everyone is so charming, though. Horror-film fanatic Garth Vader wants to stir up trouble. It’s bad enough he has to stay in the middle of nowhere with this group—the girl who locks herself in her room; the know-it-all roommate; “Mister Sensitive”; and the one who’s too cheery for her own good. Someone has to make things interesting.
Except, things are already a little weird. The hostess is a serial-killer look-alike, the dream-stealing Nightmare Elf is lurking about, and the seventh member of the group is missing.
By the time Ivy and Parker realize what’s really at stake, it’s too late to wake up and run.
• • • • • • • • • • •
LAURIE FARIA STOLARZ
Laurie Faria Stolarz is the author of Deadly Little Secret, Deadly Little Lies, Deadly Little Games, Deadly Little Voices, and Deadly Little Lessons, as well as Project 17; Bleed; and the highly popular Blue Is for Nightmares; White Is for Magic; Silver Is for Secrets; Red Is for Remembrance; and Black Is for Beginnings. Born and raised in Salem, Massachusetts, Stolarz attended Merrimack College and received an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College in Boston. Laurie lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts
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Thanks to the amazing team at Disney Hyperion, there is a fantastic giveaway accompanying this tour. Up for grabs is a Thrills and Chills box of horror! Includes copies of the following new releases:
Mary: The Summoning
The Screaming Staircase
The Whispering Skull
The Whispering Skull
Welcome to the Dark House
The box will be delivered just in time for spooky Halloween reading. Open to US and Canadian residents, see complete rules on entry form below.
Be sure and follow the rest of the tour, more thrills, chills, and chances to win are guaranteed!
THRILLS AND CHILLS: HALLOWEEN EVENT TOUR
with Jonathan Stroud, Hillary Monahan, and Laurie Stolarz
Wednesday, Oct 1 - The Midnight Garden - 5 Questions with Jonathan Stroud
Thursday, Oct 2 - The Starry-Eyed Revue - Into the Spooky Swamp Setting of Mary: The Summoning
Friday, Oct 3 - Supernatural Snark - Rules for Surviving a House of Horrors
Monday, Oct 6 - Xpresso Reads - Deleted Scene from Mary: The Summoning
Tuesday, Oct 7 - Love is Not a Triangle - 5 Questions with Laurie Stolarz
Wednesday, Oct 8 - For the Love of Words - 10 Great Horror Films with Jonathan Stroud
Thursday, Oct 9 - Winterhaven Books - How I Became a Horror Fan
Friday, Oct 10 - YA Romantics - Quiz: What Dark House Character Are You?
Monday, Oct 13 - My Friends Are Fiction - Fashion Accessories for Ghosthunters
Tuesday, Oct 14 - The Flyleaf Review - 5 Questions with Hillary Monahan
Wednesday, Oct 15 - Books with Bite - Top 10 Items to Survive The Dark House Amusement Park
Thursday, Oct 16 - The Social Potato - A Tour of Jonathan Stroud's Writing Space