Cover Critique: Sugary Sweet

Let me preface this post by saying that my critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.



You know what spells trouble people? Light and fluffy pink ice cream eaten on a bright, sunny day in the middle of a well-maintained park. It's a recipe for disaster. Drop those cones adorably happy couple! Nothing good can come from them! You'll hate the flavor. Or get a brain freeze. Or the creamy goodness will somehow lower all your inhibitions and you'll find yourselves naked and streaking through the great outdoors to the shocked gazes of those around you. Okay, so maybe not that last one, but it's all I could come up with as to how this little blissfully happy scenario equals t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

Let's see if the synopsis can shed a little light on the troublesome part of these abnormally perfect cones:

Elle Amery has grown up a fighter—her late mother's bad-boy-loving reputation was not the best inheritance….

So when smooth-talking Sean McElroy turns up with a pink-and-white ice cream van called Rosie that's apparently hers, Elle tries to ignore the traitorous flicker of attraction!

Family-oriented Elle is the last girl Sean should want, but as they embark on a journey filled with unexpected twists, these two misfits may discover they are the perfect fit for each other!

Well. At least the ice cream makes sense. Heed these words though my friends: do not, I repeat, do NOT fall prey to dangerous bad boys who cruise around in pink ice cream trucks looking to pick up women who cannot ignore sugar's siren call. It's becoming an epidemic, so be warned and take care or you could end up like these poor, gloriously cheerful individuals. Such a tragedy to behold isn't it?

Seems to me however that the fellow on the cover is the one being tempted here, not our too-cute girl next door. She seems perfectly content to not take a single lick of either cone, instead she's just going to sit back and smile at the fact that her strawberry yumminess has tamed this chocolate-loving epitome of badassery. Good on you Elle, he's quite literally eating right out of your hand. Trouble doesn't stand a chance against the pure delicious goodness of a frozen treat now does it? No.



Going from the overwhelming sweetness of Trouble One and Trouble Two up there to this cover is a bit like having a bucket of cold water thrown on you isn't it? You're welcome. I like to keep you guys on your toes, have you hesitating before you scroll down to the next cover because you just never know what I'm going to throw at you. I think the strawberry-licious butt cheeks accomplish that goal quite well. *pats self on back*

You know what one of my dreams in life has always been? To lay my eyes on an extreme close-up shot of a woman's perky ass cheeks as she has her crack flossed by some threadbare denim. That dream has come true today. *wipes away single tear* Lucky me.

Can you imagine what happens to that seam when she sits down? Yikes. My rear end is clenching in sympathy just thinking about it. Was that too much information about me? Yes you say? Awesome. I guess I just wanted you all to get to know me as well as we now know this young woman thanks to this cover. I've been staring at this mostly bare bottom for about 15 minutes writing this critique, so I feel like I could probably pick those buns out of a lineup if ever needed, and that means I have been looking at this for 14 minutes too long and must to look away for the sake of my sanity.

But before I go, can we talk about that hand please? The nonexistent nails suggest it's a male appendage, but that is the smoothest, shiniest, most well-lotioned hand I've seen in quite some time. I guess it would look even more bizarre if a giant furred paw were coming from off-cover to caress her bottom, but those perfectly groomed fingers just don't scream "romance hero" to me. My own hands look quite masculine in comparison, and I'm pretty sure my butt has never once looked like this, so all in all, this cover has been bit of a downer for me. At least I don't have jeans wedged up in places they shouldn't be, so I guess I can walk away from this with my head held high even though my cheeks sag low ;-)

Happy Friday Everyone!