Friday, March 16, 2012

Cover Critique: Itty Bitty

Let me preface this post by saying that my critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.

I think I found something brilliant for you this week my friends. "Think" being the operative word here. I mean, it's entirely possible I've found something brilliant, but it's also entirely possible I didn't. I'm very complicated, I know. Clearly I need to explain the situation and this week's cover, so please bear with me through the following anecdote.

Yesterday I was perusing the internet in search of covers for today's post and stumbled upon a new publisher I'd yet to discover in all my previous cover WTF-ery expeditions. I can't tell you how excited I get when this happens. There before me was an enormous online catalog of potential eye-gouging and soul-searing imagery, and I couldn't wait to dive in and see what treasures awaited. But I was foiled. FOILED! It's as though the publisher knew I was visiting their site and wanted to prevent me from using one of their covers in my Friday feature. And they were very, very sneaky about it. Little did they know that my determination to find cover monstrosities knows no bounds.

I noticed as I was scanning their titles that the thumbnails were tiny. Obviously. That's the point of a thumbnail right? Right. However, theirs in particular seemed abnormally little, and I like to post rather large images of the covers so everyone can take in all the magnificently horrifying details. I wasn't worried though because underneath the thumbnail it said "click for larger image". Perfect. They've thought of everything! I will click for a larger image like no one has ever clicked before! So I did. And this is what came up:



Seriously. Blogger did not shrink my image, this is honestly their version of "larger". Given the publisher I was visiting seemed to publish romance/erotic novels, I have to say this does not bode well for what we're going to find in between the sheets (both paper and fabric) now does it? No. The poor heroes in these books are tragically stunted from the very get go with tiny, unimpressive, no more than inch-long, um, covers. How unsatisfying for all parties involved.

Now, I would like to play a game. A game where you all tell me what the hell I'm looking at because I have no idea. There's clearly at least one shirtless gentleman on there, but as for the rest, I haven't the first clue. Transparency layers are fun aren't they? I can almost hear the designer laughing as he or she adds image after image to this cover while changing the opacity of each layer until we get this monochromatic mess we can't decipher. Or enlarge apparently. Do I see abs on the right there? I think I do (I have an eye for these things people ;-). I have no idea if said abs belong to the nose and mouth up top though, it's all very confusing and jumbled.

Remember those Magic Eye posters? The ones where you basically had to cross your eyes while looking at them and wait until a 3-D image of dinosaurs or birds or deer or something popped out at you? I feel like this is one of those. Like it's testing me. Like I'm supposed to make something of the chaos and the cover is secretly laughing at me because I'm failing to do so. It's obviously taunting me with its distinct lack of clarity. YOU'LL NOT BEST ME TEENY TINY COVER! I WILL PREVAIL IN THE END!

Who else keeps repeatedly clicking on the above image in the misguided hope that one of the times you click it the cover will actually show up larger? *raises both hands* We can solve this puzzle together everyone, I know we can. Let's all just stare at it, share our theories in the comments, and take the mystery right out of this bad boy, what do you say? It cannot continue to mock us with its ambiguity, I'll not stand for it! I'M COMING FOR YOU A PRIVATE HUNGER, BE INTIMIDATED BY MY USE OF ALL CAPS!

Seriously though everyone. Help me.

Happy Friday!

43 comments:

  1. I...I think I see a face. Beyond that, I'm as lost as you. (Looks a bit like he's wearing a bra, though, which raises some other questions...)

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  2. Golly gee, it's worse than trying to interpret toddler scribbles! I even pulled out my IPad and tried using their handy zoom feature and it just became a pixelated mess. I think I see an alien head in the upper right, and maybe some dragon wings superimposed on his chest (yellowish leathery looking something).

    Ooh, I know! That's Gollum doing an interpretive dance with the slide of a hunky guy projected over him on the stage backdrop!

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  3. Here you go: http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1313320341l/9689030.jpg

    The trick, I've found, is to search Goodreads for whatever cover you find elsewhere. Goodreads compiles a few different versions of the cover, and one of them is usually suitably large.

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  4. My eyes hurt from straining...I'm starting to wonder if it is two guys on the cover...IDK!

    Magic Eye posters, YES! :) The memories...

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  5. OHHH I think Im developing a headache after trying to figure that picture out...Its a man for sure.....on fire?? In a drug haze?? Thinking wild thoughts as the thoughts swirl around him.....? Im at loss...sorry!

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  6. Riv - I see a face for sure, but that's all I can say with any certainty. If he is wearing a bra, this whole thing just got more interesting:)

    Otterdaughter - Interpretive dance! hahahahahaha I love it:)

    Amanda - Thank you:) I'm not going to look at it until the end of the day though, it's fun to speculate.

    Jacinda - I was thinking there might be two as well, but I have no idea.

    Tina - Fire is a possibility, I was thinking that due to the color scheme, but I don't think I see any flames. SO CONFUSING!

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  7. That's hilarious! Not only is that cover incredibly confusing but I can't believe that's their definition of larger. I see the big shirtless man on the left but I think there's a smaller one on the right. I'm assuming there's a third person dressed in black who we're seeing from the side. That's just me trying to make sense of the mess :)

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  8. Jenny - yes, do wait. I know what the cover really looks like now, but it's fun to see what other people think versus the reality. lol.

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  9. I have no idea! I really tired, and I keep getting more confused.

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  10. Is this like the smutty version of "Where's Waldo"? I think I see a female torso somewhere in there or it could be someone's ankle. LOL, I dunno.

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  11. Dude---that cover looks like the cake I made the other day. Oh, yes I did click on it to see if it was bigger. Went searching on the web too and couldn't find it bigger. That is just so UNFAIR!

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  12. So I found this: http://www.amazon.com/Private-Hunger-Sean-Michael/dp/1934166987 (It is not the same cover)---this is truly a conspiracy! I tell you conspiracy!

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  13. Ummmm found a bigger version---still confused LOL http://www.goodreads.com/book/photo/7344026-a-private-hunger

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  14. LOL that's SO FUNNY!!! x) I don't think I've ever seen a cover that tiny before! I had my nose against the screen and was trying to make out what was in it when I finally saw that it was a guy, but the rest... Like you, I have no clue! My first thought was that it was a smoke screen to cover his abs, but then I realized, "Why would they want to smoke screen his abs?"

    I LOVE it when you use all caps on something, Jenny! x) <3 This is one mystery I just can't solve!

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  15. Yep I totally did that. I clicked on it to see if it would enlarge and then tried to zoom in to no avail. All I can make out is a guy's face/chin in the corner.

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  16. Zahida - Right? I was all "can't wait to see this bigger!" and then that picture came up and I died a little inside:)

    Amanda - I can't wait to see it bigger, I'll have to do an update post tomorrow:)

    Jennifer - I know. It's nearly impossible to decipher.

    Rummanah - YES!!! I kind of want to play a smutty version of Where's Waldo. That would be fun:)

    Felicia - It does look like your cake! Only with a human face in it. o_O. And I will click on those links tonight:)

    Mimi - Me either. It's inexplicable. How am I supposed to know if I want to buy the book when I can't see the cover? Covers are important!

    Jenny - I've done it like 10 times. No joke. It's like I can't help myself.

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  17. Funny! I seriously clicked on the cover and the exact words out of my mouth were what the hell....Your sentiments obviously. I have no idea what I am looking at, a snake or something? You go get them Jenny, make it your quest to get us a big cover! Have a great weekend. Thanks for the Friday laugh.

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  18. I see a guy, a dragon, and um...another guy? Or maybe it's smoke? Or something else? *gets out magnifying glass* ;)

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  19. Er... I think I see a.... Uhm... a man, definitely... wearing some really weird bra? I... I don't know. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.

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  20. Is that a man...with an APE? That would be a very private hunger indeed.

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  21. Oh Jenny, I have laughed so hard again. You always make my day.

    I have no idea what I'm looking at but I'm gonna go blurry and blind trying to figure it out. I'm gonna stop and just read this post again, because I seriously belly-laughed.

    You are the best. <3

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  22. Oh Jenny, only you could make this horrible, horrible cover something to laugh about. This seriously hurt my eyes after about 10 seconds of looking at it. I think everyone sees the guys face at the top, but I'm also seeing a bat wing and a beak and I'm thinking, is this a horror novel?
    NC
    Truly Bookish

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  23. ROFL, awesome!!!! *giggles* I have an idea why the would tempt not to show a bigger picture.. People might .. be taken aback by the awesomness that is the multi-layered cover...
    Oh and the two men? Looks like for me...

    Btw, I hate when there is no good quality image of a cover available...

    Oh and Jenny?I'm sure they knew you were there.. totally!

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  24. Yeah, I'm completely confused. I think I spot a five o'clock shadow in the upper left hand corner, but... other than that, I have no idea.

    I'm picturing a regular-sized book with a white cover, and that little tiny image in the very center. A gorgeous design concept, don't you think? ;)

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  25. ROFL! I did click in a vain attempt at making it larger. Hm... why did I just hear, "That's what she said?"

    Perhaps it could use one of those pumps?

    Oh yes... I went there... ;D

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  26. I'm so bad Jenny! I saw the title of your post and started cracking up! LOL! An then I saw the pic and yeah, whats up with the back round. I could not figure it out!

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  27. Oh dear, that's so funny! I clicked on it JUST IN CASE it showed up bigger. Nope. I nearly went blind trying to peer at it. It looks like a guy with one of those muscle model things like at the doctors office. I don't know what they are called, but it has the head and it's like the skin is removed so we see the muscles and whatnot beneath. That was my first thought anyway.
    Thanks for the giggles Jenny!

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  28. Those tricky publishers--they are SO on to you!

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  30. Okay, I deleted the comment of what it really looks like so I didn't really look like. It is fun to guess. It looks very bizarre that small. The real picture is not that bad so I don't understand why they don't just enlarge it all the way. Maybe enlarge got lost in translation somehow. Did anyone try a magnifying glass?

    Heather

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  31. WHAT is he on the cover WITH???? I can't tell!!! I'm concerned... Very concerned...

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  32. *tries her best to see what's going on*

    I can't!

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  33. So before I cheated and looked it up, I can see the sexy guy on the left and then it looks like a semi-transparent alien head on the right and said alien is possibly wearing football pads and jersey and the other guy is half tatooed with the alien body and his penis is possibly on fire. I think there may even be a nipple on the lower right portion of his body. True story.

    LOL! Funny thing is I can't see the damn dragon at all nor the guy behind him. It's a LGBT novel. I'm wondering about the dragon. M/M Fiction. YUM! Maybe it's a threesome with the dragon. ;)

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  34. Okay, so I cheated and found a larger image (http://www.torquerepress.com/orders/covers/privatehunger185.jpg)- my thoughts? Doubly WTF?

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  35. WTF? I mean...WTF?!?

    You're so right. This doesn't bode well. Are they trying to be teases or is this all there is? Kind of like a Wonderbra, making boobs *look* bigger than they are except, well, small. (Hum. That didn't make a ton of sense. I blame post-St. Pat's.)

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  36. Ha, if I was a publisher and dared to published a book with THAT cover, I'd also make sure that THAT pic would be the largest image anyone could find. :)

    Oh how your Cover Critiques make me LOL :D

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  37. So, my sister and I spent a couple of minutes industriously searching the internet (aka cheating) because it was going to drive me nuts and we found it (just saw someone else did, too). Before that, I thought it was three guys and a bunch of tattoos.

    Oh, and I clicked on your image once hoping it'd somehow show up larger.

    Love these posts!

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  38. hehe - before I started reading I was like why the heck did Jenny make that cover so damn small? How can I tell what she's critiquing?

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  39. Wow. At first I had no idea what was going on. But I see it now: It's a man who is kind of titled to the side. And that weird green smudge is actally a dragon. lol :P

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  40. lol! I tried putting on my glasses, and still couldn't make out anything in that teeny-tiny image. :) But now I'm super curious as to what is really on there! ROFL!

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  41. That was fantastic! Thanks for the laugh. And maybe it's best if we can't see all the detail.

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