Friday, April 15, 2011

Cover Critique: Be My Werecat Tonight

Let me preface this post by saying that my critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.

I know what you're thinking. Okay, possibly I don't since when I first looked at this cover my mind went completely and utterly blank and I was left in a stupor of incomprehension. But, once the fog lifted, I had thoughts. Lots of them. The first being curiosity as to what this book could possibly be about given this cover. I shall keep you in suspense no longer, here is the description from Goodreads:

As a surgeon, Hank is used to working with his hands. Good thing, because those skillful fingers are needed to release the passionate wild cats lying dormant in one tigress of a redheaded woman.

Naughty nurse Nora's passionate response to her blind date unleashes something untamed within her. The only problem is she doesn't appreciate her newfound gift. It's up to Hank to teach her how to embrace her wilder side or they'll both end up as housecats-a curse worse than death for a proud Darklander werecat

Um. Am I the only one that doesn't really understand that second sentence? Passionate wild cats lying dormant? Cats, as in plural? Does she have multiple cats in her? Does she shift into more than one cat? That's both bizarre and unnerving, but moving on. At least the stethoscope makes sense now, so we've got that going for us. However, most lab coats you typically see doctors wearing are already open in front, thus no need for the tearing we see here. We would have had easy access if he were just wearing a normal lab coat and nothing underneath, but he seems to enjoy "working with his hands" and so we are subjected to the ripping-to-reveal-ripped-chest situation. Magnificent.

Now, to more important things. What, in the name of all that's holy, is going on with the black mask? Nowhere in the blurb does it mention that he sidelines as a stripper or has a some sort of mask fetish. I'm befuddled. Does he see better with it on? Are we not supposed to know his identity? Epic fail if we're not because the blurb just told us his name is Hank and he's a surgeon and a werecat. We know you now you shirtless wonder, no need for the secrecy. Why are we allowed to see his naked chest but not the skin around his eyes? Maybe he has fur there and no one but his naughty nurse is allowed to see it. Kinky.

Speaking of the naughty nurse...why is she in an evening gown yet he's all suited up in his doctor digs? Shouldn't she be in some sort of obscenely short white dress with appropriately placed red crosses over her nipples? Perhaps I'm being too stereotypical, but I just think if we're playing up the whole doctor/nurse thing, it should at least extend to both parties. And can we just go back to that second sentence for a moment? I know what it's insinuating (at least I think I do), but the way it's worded makes it seem like she's got several cats on her person and she needs him to assist her in releasing them. That just brings all sorts of weird imagery to the forefront doesn't it? Yes, yes it does. You're thinking about the fact that she could have several squirming, "passionate" felines stuffed in that dress somewhere aren't you? Well, you certainly are now that I've mentioned it huh? Excellent. Mission accomplished. You're welcome.

Have a great weekend everyone!

PS - This is book 2 in the Darklander Lovers series. Since I knew you would want to know what the first cover looked like given this masterpiece, I looked it up for you. Behold.

From Goodreads:

Bidding on a masked man at an auction is all for a good cause, but what happens when he turns out to be a vampire who has the power to unleash the wild woman lying dormant inside you?

As a Darklander vampire, Mitch has spent a century living in a bleak world, but all that changes when he sees Tina. The beast living within Mitch wants to stake his claim. Mitch knows taking Tina's virginity will change her forever, but try explaining that to a woman whose passion cannot be denied. Tina holds the key to his freedom, but Mitch will be damned forever before he turns her over as a slave for his master.

Hm. Lots of things lying dormant in these women. Cats are lying dormant inside our naughty nurse, and a wild woman is lying dormant inside our virginal Tina. So much dormancy! And passion apparently, as that's mentioned three times between the two descriptions. At least the wild woman makes more sense than the passionate cats. Also, the mask is explained in this one. Success! Though it still doesn't explain the presence of the mask in the second one, so half-success really.

And on a parting note, just what is this masked vampire doing with his hands off cover hmmm? Highly suspect. Clearly "working" with their hands and bringing things previously dormant to sensual life are common threads among these bad boys:)

A big thanks to Karen of For What It's Worth for sending me this cover!


  1. Oh my God, I'm laughing so hard I woke up my husband! Where have you been all my life????

  2. So many things lying dormant! lol
    I absolutely LOVE this feature. I can't stop laughing!

  3. LMAO brilliant and hilarious as usual!

    these covers just throw me off so completely! sorry, but there is NO appeal at all =/

  4. ROFL. Those covers are soooooooooooo bad. Still completely confused by that mask. I am with you, he must have fur around his eyes!

  5. Re: The Werecat one: I was very confused when I first looked at the cover too. I thought it was a Mardi Gras story. Then I saw a stethoscope around the guys neck. Very confusing.

    "Naughty Nurse Nora" sounds like one of the slutty Halloween costumes.

    Re: The Vamp one: The gal in the background looks like she's either spazzing out, in mid clap (probably clapping in glee), or she is about to pounce on him...either to have sex or rip his head off (because she looks a bit psychotic).

  6. When I read this title, I almost chocked on my breakfast! I need to be more careful and not eat anything when I read these post! But seriously to title I just so....crazy! I don't understand the mask! I mean really, c'mon.

  7. Thank you Jenny for doing my were/raccoon/Chippendale/Dr cover!! You made my day!!
    Dare I say I detect a theme? What is up with the masks?? That second cover is just as disturbing LOL

  8. I like Karen's comment - calling it a were/raccoon/Chippendale/Dr cover.

    When I read "release the passionate wild cats lying dormant in one tigress of a redheaded woman" I immediately imagined her having kittens, which is not sexy.

    Another great pick!

  9. My fist thought with cover number 1 was what is the masked doctor looking out (a mirror admiring himself)? I mean I doubt he is going to be able to unleash anything lying dormant unless it is himself. Personally speaking, if a guy wore a mask in my bedroom I think the whole dormant thing would stay that way!

  10. This is hilarious. These are covers you don't really want people to see as you're reading, because really, how do you explain what the story is?

  11. oh I was LOL with these covers. These remind me of 80's covers and no clue about the masks.

  12. Lol! This is one of the best yet. So much going on in that cover! That guy looks creepy! That mask?!

  13. Ashley - So glad you enjoyed your first Cover Critique, hope you enjoy future ones, I try do them every Friday:)

    Misha - Yes, dormant things are all the rage in these books apparently:)

    Larissa - Thank you, these covers just make me happy:)

    Nic - I'll let the first masked guy go since he's apparently at a masked auction, but Hank the surgeon has no excuse.

    Midnyte - It looks like the stethoscope was almost an afterthought, like it was photoshopped in. And how much do you want to bet her name wasn't Nora until after it was determined that she was a naughty nurse?

    Savy - Yes, beware all food and beverage consumption when reading these titles or looking at these covers. They are awesome:)

    Karen - Thank YOU for sending it to me. It made my day:)

    Jennifer - No, having a litter of kittens is not sexy:)

    Jan - If that man walked in my bedroom with that mask on, proceeded to rip his shirt down the middle like Hulk Hogan and stared at me intensely while promising to arouse my dormant cats, I would pass out. Except who knows what would happen then, so maybe I should revise and say I would run:)

    Sarah - Thanks! And yes, while I'm sure the writing is better than the cover and title would imply, the cover still makes me giggle.

    Julie - No one understands the mask I don't think. It's one of the great mysteries of the world;)

    Leanna - Glad you enjoyed! And I find him a little creepy too - like he's going to pounce on me and I don't really want any part of that:)

  14. I am constantly amazed by these covers, who approves these?!? It's so hard to believe that first, some art department/graphic artist comes up with these designs, and second somebody else said yeah, that's awesome, we are going to use that! Crazy...
    Truly Bookish

  15. Cats on her person?

    Oh my gosh my stomach hurts so bad from laughing. Those covers are TERRIBLE!! Im with you I looked at that cover and was like..what the heck is that like the masked lantern/evil doctor or crazy mental ward patient ripping his straight jacket off???

  16. LOL! Yes why does he has a masked in that first one? Perhaps the patients would be too distracted otherwise with his open shirt and all

  17. Behehehehehe!

    I guess the cats are out of the bag, huh? Good thing too, because dormancy is so old fashion according to these vixens.

    And those hands are suspect, indeed.

    Oh wow Jenny! Those covers are just... *mind remains blank*

    So glad to see CC back!

  18. I remember when you showed us the teasers last week but seeing the covers is completely different from what I pictured the covers to be like. Is it just me or is it the same guy on both covers. I can't really tell with the mask on.

  19. I'm befuddled too, Jenny. At first I thought it was a Zorro book until I saw Werecats and then my next thought it was a BD/SM book but didn't find a whip or other gags in the cover.
    Maybe the guys are doing a Clark Kent disguise, except it's only an eye mask instead of glasses. Hey, it worked for Superman!

  20. NC - I don't know what happened during the approval process of this one, but man would I have loved to have been a part of it:)

    Tina - The mask is really what tips the scales into the territory of amazingly awesome for this cover. The shirt ripping would have been funny on it's own, but the mask is epic:)

    Blodeuedd - Who knows. It's baffling in the best possible way:)

    Missie - I just find it odd that they cut his armns off at the wrists, he could be doing anything with his hands. Anything at all;)

    Jenny - Well, how could you possibly predict that chiseled abs would lead to a masked werecat surgeon who likes to release dormant wild cats in women? You couldn't:)

  21. Rummanah - I thought Zorro too at first and then, like you, went into BDSM mode which is why I had to look up the blurb. No Zorro. No BDSM. No explanation at all. Awesome:)

  22. That cover is SO wrong.
    You're so funny.

    Btw, thank you SO much for your kind words and concern :) It meant allot :)

  23. I try not to judge on other people's works- god knows some of my ideas are off newton's wall - but I just kept thinking, what else is lying dormant in these women? Is this a growing issue in the american health system, female internal dormancy syndrome? Dude, FIDS could be the next subject for Dr. Oz (or Dr. Phil) to address.

    Which then made me wonderful about those who suffer from FIDS. What else is lying dormant in these women, other than wild women and cats? Back issues of Vogue? A love of fluffy things? Missing Car keys? Jimmy Hoffa?

    In my own situation, I think I may have a 60 lb little person lying dormant in me. Can I please find a mystical man (he can wear the mask, I'm cool with Phantom envy) who will awaken the 60 lb person lying dormant in me and give him an eviction notice? I'd really like to fit into my size 7's again.

  24. "I know what you're thinking. Okay, possibly I don't since when I first looked at this cover my mind went completely and utterly blank and I was left in a stupor of incomprehension. But, once the fog lifted, I had thoughts. Lots of them."

    LMAOOOOOOOOO That is EXACTLY how I felt the moment I laid eyes on the first book cover. I just had to stop for a moment because my mind went blank!

    Love these critiques!

  25. ROFLMAO! Oh I think the man is so embarrassed to be on the covers unleashing *ahem* "things" laying dormant (you wonder if the women are the only things that are dormant...) he insisted on the mask so they wrote it into the next book! Oh, I need to get that first book as my mother is a nurse and I have to tease her as how naughty she could get! lol Most likely why my mother is the only one in the universe who has told me not to date a doctor! She is afraid of the mask! XD

  26. Juju - So wrong it's right you mean! It's like a SyFy monster movie, so amazing in its awfulness you can't tear your eyes away:) And you're welcome, hope everything with your dad is okay!

    Killian - I try not to judge either, I just want the critiques to be funny but certainly not at the expense of the writing, author or publisher. Sometimes though, these covers just make me giggle and I have to share them with others. I'm trying to think of what I could possibly have lying dormant in me as well. And now I'm going to look at every woman I pass by and wonder what her dormant issue is. Entertainment for for the rest of my life, score!

    Carissa - Words left me upon first viewing this. I just blinked at it for a while and did a head cock like I was a dog:)

    Melissa - I know any arousal I might be feeling due to his lovely chest would be instantly doused upon seeing that mask, and there would be absolutely no possibility of him resurrecting those feelings. Dormant they would be. And please tell your mother to send memos to all the doctors she works with telling them to wear black masks from now on. See what happens:)

  27. *wipes eyes* Oh. My. Gosh. *tries to breathe* I'm seriously laughing so hard. We would have had easy access if he were just wearing a normal lab coat and nothing underneath, but he seems to enjoy "working with his hands" and so we are subjected to the ripping-to-reveal-ripped-chest situation. Magnificent. This I think was my favorite part. Usually there are clothes under the lab coat and they aren't usually closed. Maybe he got really angry and felt like ripping the fabric before he released her dormant cat?!?!

    The kicker was all the dormancy going on. Dormant cats??LMAO! OMG, Jenny, this post was awesome. I think mask fetish is WAY better than hard-abbed-stripper. Could you imagine if he has a closet full of masks that he wears out every day because he thinks it really works with his rosy complexion?!?!! Awesome! Love it Jenny!!

    In the Closet With a Bibliophile

  28. Typically when I come across passionate wild cats lying dormant I get the garden hose.

    Can I just say how much I love these posts? Seriously. :D

  29. Honestly, I'm quite enjoying wondering what guy 2 is doing with his

  30. LOLLLL your cover commentaries always make me laugh, Jenny! That wild-cats-inside-her metaphor is just disturbing. And maybe the masked vampire dude passed on his mask to doctor Hank? Maybe he's training him in the art of being a masked man? Although seriously, I wonder that he has any patients at all if he goes around with that mask on and his lab coat open like that O_O

  31. This has helped bring a huge smile to my face after a very long weekend!!! thanks

  32. Oh. My. Hat. Your cover choices just get better and better... in terms of amusement factor of course. Multiple cat form personality disored perhaps? And that mask on Dr Hank's face. Dear me, I hope he went out on a rampant seduction trip afterwards because that mask is anything BUT masculine. *snorts* Fantastic picks this week Jenny!

  33. LMAO! I'm so confused. Dormant cats? Masks? Doctors? Evening-wear nurses? And what is she doing with her hands? Isn't that the "Made you look" circle game thing? Maybe she doesn't want her cats released after all.

  34. These covers are rather creepy. I think I'll go hide now...

  35. I just had a great laugh. That was a seriously funny post.
    "So much dormancy!" More importantly, so much "Unleashing!" These men seem to do nothing but unleash.
    "Where you going honey?"
    "Oh, I"m going to the store. There is a girl in the deli department that is seriously fighting her dormancy,"
    "Well don't forget to pick up some bread after you unleash her repressed dormancy."
    "Will do babe. Will do."