Friday, November 11, 2011

It's Back: Cover Critique Friday

Hey Everyone!

Well, it's that time again. You've all been very patient with me since I had to do away with the cover critiques temporarily to get caught up on reviews and book tours, but the wait is over! To celebrate this joyous occasion, I bring you copious amounts of body hair. You. Are. Welcome. Please curb the urge to genuflect as such gestures only serve to embarrass me ;-)

Let's get to the good stuff shall we?


Words. They escape me. Not only does the title just bring a huge giddy smile to my face, but his chest and torso hair (is torso hair what we'd call it? Belly hair? Ab hair?) pretty much solidifies this book's placement on my list of favorite cover designs ever created. I would like to just focus on the hair itself for a minute before we move on to anything else as it's practically a character unto itself the way it's spreading across every inch of available skin on his pecs and stomach in strange, flat bursts. Does he iron it to get it to lay that flat? Comb it? It's obviously been groomed in some way. Perhaps he has a ritual wherein he brushes it for 100 strokes before he starts his day. Sexiness, thou art a well-coiffed wonder. Are you all forming a line to rent out his services this very minute? Well, you can all get behind me, that furry mass is mine to pet first.

Now, I'm no expert on body hair (shocking, I know), but normally when I've seen men with the sheer volume of hair on their chests that this studly fellow possesses, it doesn't just reach the top of their pecs and the sides of their abs and the come to an abrupt halt. No, it climbs their necks, crosses their shoulders and lovingly wraps around their biceps like a fuzzy vine, always searching as though it has a mind of its own for new places to cover in coarse tufts. Somehow this gentleman has escaped such a fate, his monstrous biceps perhaps threatening the hair with waxing or plucking if it even considers sprouting up on such bulbous masterpieces. His neck and sides are clean and clear as well, though his head seems to have taken on with those long tresses what his arms scared away, so it all evens out apparently. Super.

Just looking at this cover is making me itch, I feel like at any moment his matted hair is going to leap from its rentable home and suction itself to me like the egg-dwelling creatures in Alien vs. Predator. Like possibly my own hair is going to get some ideas after seeing this silky specimen of manhood and decide to grow at such speeds from now on that I too will have to resort to ironing it to get the thickness to cooperate. Deep breaths Jenny, deep breaths, the hair is not stalking you. *does a double take to make sure the fur hasn't moved*

Can we talk about his hands for a minute? The one holding the rose looks freakishly small and disproportionate in comparison to his bulging left arm, but it could be because we can only see 4 fingers and all the flesh up there by his armpit is blending with where his thumb should be. Normally I would let this slide, after all it's greatly overshadowed by the fuzziness of Studly Studlerson, however, when taken in conjunction with his seemingly gargantuan left hand it bears mentioning. I want to say he's just hooking his thumb into a pair of black pants, but if you look between the "A" and "S" in Rent-A-Stud there seem to be some flesh tones there which wouldn't make sense if he were wearing pants unless that area was also part of his hand. If that were the case though, his hand would be more enormous than my poor little brain can even fathom, so is he holding a towel off to one side and we're seeing some upper groin? WHAT IS HAPPENING RENT-A STUD?!

Also, just as a parting thought, I ask you this: where is his right nipple? Shouldn't it be visible? Has the hair swallowed it whole, leaving him a uni-nip? I leave you to ponder that for the rest of the day my friends. Enjoy:)

A special thank you to Felicia of The Geeky Blogger's Book Blog for sending me not one, but two sets of Ellora's Cave playing cards with a different cover like the above on each one. Best. Gift. Ever.


  1. *dies*

    I honestly can't get past all that hair. It's just... words escape me, too.

  2. Heck yeah! *fist pump for Cover Critique being back*
    Now to the cover at hand: HOLY HAIRY CHEST. Ew. Ew.
    Also, what's up with his arm? The shadows make it look...weird. *shudder* This cover is just not good. Haha. Thanks for sharing, Jenny!

  3. I... omigosh, I don't even know. Uni-nip. *snorts*

  4. Yeah!!! Cover Friday is back!!! This one is hilarious, but at the same time freaking disturbing and disgusting... This torso hair ....omg!

  5. Ew. I thought maybe this book would have a paranormal twist as his chest seems to be channeling a werewolf. But now that you've pointed out the missing nipple, it's all I can look at.

    So happy to see the Cover Critiques are back, it's a great way to start off the weekend.

  6. YAY on Cover Critiques being back. I know that I've been spoiled with hair free vamps ala BDB for quite some time, but holy crap is he hairy?! Is it me or does his pec look lop sided. One's definitely higher and smaller than the other.

  7. Amanda - Right? It's like the cover with the junk and the tiny black underwear, I can't stop staring at it:)

    Banned Books - Glad you think so, I'm kind of a fan of the cover myself:)

    Lauren - There are so many things wrong with this cover it's not even possible to point them all out. It almost needs to be a 2-week critique. His arm is just so...huge. And also bare at the top yet he's covered in hair everywhere else. Awesome.

    Ashley - His other nipple is MIA! I have no idea why it isn't there:)

  8. Danny - You know you love all that sexy hair. Like petting a dog really:)

    Jennifer - I was thinking he had to be a shifter of some kind but I forgot to look the synopsis up to check. *runs to do that* That missing nipple is going to haunt you isn't it? Mission accomplished:)

    Rummanah - Ah yes, he would most certainly never fit in with the Brothers:) And yes, the pec with the nipple is definitely larger. Win.

  9. I have missed this :D Yay for it being back. And, I sure do not mind body hair, a man should have hair on his chest. But this hair, so fine and combed, and I am sure he shaves it on the sides so it just touches his abs

  10. Ewww...That would be like sleeping with my dog! And my husband already things I do that on nights he's not there. He's afraid that when we have a baby someday, it's going to be born with long floppy ears and a tail.
    Although I do technically sleep with the dog when the husband's not there. But "sleep" is the critical word. I let Snowbird drool on my husband's pillow and he's none the wiser :-)

  11. LOLOLOLOL!!! I think I love your critique of the cover way more than I actually love the cover! x)

    I love how he's this stud on the cover but he's still holding a flower! How sweet is that?? But you're totally right when you say that his HUGE muscles make it seem disproportionate LOL!

    Jenny, you're so awesome! That is the summation of my comment. :)

  12. So happy this feature is back! Once again, I'm amazed that someone designed this cover and thought it good AND that It got approved. Crazy.....
    Truly Bookish

  13. Wow I don't know bout most people but hair creeps me out esp that much. I mean I don't mind some and my hubby has some on his chest but is this guy in transformation of turing into a were seriously! It should be rent-a-were lol. I missed this girl glad its back ;)

  14. OH. EM. GEE. o_o Not only is that one side nipless, but it looks like he's got a double pec or something. It looks like there are 2 bumps there instead of just the one moob. And is it just me, or does "his" face have a very definitive Michael Jackson look to it? Soft, thin, pointy nose, more feminine than masculine? This probably wouldn't be so bad if the body matched. *stares in confusion* His hands frighten me.

    Plus, the hair on his head is seriously weirding me out. Does he have bangs? I think he has bangs. BLAHAHAHAHAHA! I think I'm going to pee! Gosh I love this segment! Love you! That is all.

  15. Seriously, you are the best!! This definitely got my Friday morning off to a great start, haha.

    I will say that I'm pretty impressed with said hair styling. He has it pretty well tamed - like it's scared of him!

    So glad this feature is back!

  16. Blodeuedd - I don't mind a little hair either, but there's just something wrong with this hair in particular:)

    Alison - Um. I do sleep with my dog:) He wedges his 85lb body right in between me and hubs at night. But he has far less hair than this fellow!

    Mimi - Thank you:) Apparently part of his rental service agreement includes a white rose. How special. Glad you enjoyed the critique!

    Juju - :-)

    NC - I love how the author's name runs completely over his face as well so we can barely see it - who needs a face? Not those in the stud rental business apparently. Love it:)

    Smash - I've been staring at his chest for a while now trying to find his other nipple. I've had no luck, it's definitely gone:)

    Laura - It creeps me out too, more the strange flatness of it than the overall quantity. It looks like iron-on hair. Whuh.

    Jen - yes he's quite lopsided isn't he? I wonder if he lists to one side when he walks:) His hands frighten me too, I would dock some of his pay for those bad boys. And yes, yes he has bangs. Amazing.

  17. Isalys - Right? That hair is going nowhere, I bet it doesn't even blow in the breeze for fear of getting out of place:)

  18. OMG. Dude... I thought hubs was hairy- at least his looks halfway NORMAL!

    I *bow* to your awesomeness!!

  19. Ewwww. Does he even have a face?? I can barely see a nose. Good one Jenny. lol

  20. Ohhhhhhhh my, that's definitely a hair cover! Ew! Uni-nip. I LOVE THIS POST! So funny!

  21. Ashley - Does hubs iron his hair too? Probably not like this stud muffin does:) Love it.

    Karen - Who needs a face when he has all that hair to keep the ladies entertained? Win.

    Christy - The quantity of hair just makes me happy, there's just so much of it. I kind of want to buy stock in razor blades for when he decides to get rid of it. And then add in the nipple situation and the strange hands and I just have to love him a little:)

  22. OMG! This cracked me up...seriously cracked me up...maybe this is why I'm really not into a guy with lots of body

  23. OMG I have missed this and this is nasty and wow words escape me. Reminds me of a werewolf seriously with all the hair

  24. **Sexiness, thou art a well-coiffed wonder**

    LOLLOLLOLLOL- I missed your cover critiques so funny....:D As far a the nipple question...I think maybe thats his secret power, he can make random parts on his body disappear...would explain why the hair is neat and flowy too...:D Its sad day when a guys chest and belly hair lays more flat than the hair on my head!!!!!

  25. First of all, I've missed these Cover Critiques so much. Second of all, uhm... yeah... If I have to shave my legs and pluck at eyebrows and get my hair done to interest a guy... well let's just saw some maintenance needs to be going on over there too. As in, Mr. Man, you need to shave that. Or wax it. Or keep a shirt on... FOREVER.

    Also, what is going on with his head? He just seems to be oddly proportioned in general or maybe it's all the hair on his head (will the hair never end?!) but his face looks oddly tiny. I'm sorry to say but Stud-You-Are-NOT. Ladies, if you want to rent a stud, with lots of body hair, I suggest going down to the local horse stables.

    Thanks for the great cover critique Jenny! It just made my entire day!

  26. yucks! too hairy .Trust me when i say that.Hubby is hairy too.Ha ha.

  27. Maria - Bad things happen in my head when I think about this much body hair in a sexy-times context. My tongue feels all fuzzy already ;-)

    Julie - I just want to bust out some clippers and tone all that down a bit:)

    Tina - Thank you:) I wonder what happens to him when he gets an errant curl on this chest. Does he freak out and have a panic attack, shut his rental services down until he can remedy the situation?

    Kris - Honestly! Though I feel like he probably grooms the heck out of this hair even though it's rather abundant. He's probably meticulous about it:)

    Kam - Much, much too hairy:)

  28. LMFAO!

    Oh, my. Where is that right nipple. Did the hair eat it?

    Yeah, this book title definitely needs to be remained Rent a Bear.

    Thanks for bring back CC. Perfect timing too. My sister is in town and I can't wait to show her this one. She says she like a main with a healthy dose of chest hair, and I'll have to ask her if this dude meet her criteria.

  29. I'm scared. Hold me.

    Absolutely hilarious! And, yes, I did have the urge to fall to my knees and thank all that is awesome that you're back with your cover critique. Yay!

  30. I know those cards. We laughed so hard at them!

    Oh and this one... should it be Rent a waxer? LOL

    btw, you have me totally scared about the missing nip... O.o

  31. I laughed when I saw the picture but the title just makes it so much worse. A stud? Not in my opinion! Ew, the guy needs to get rid of some of that hair.

  32. Ahhahahaha! I don't know how you do it Jenny! I can't stand to look at that hairy manbeast for more than a few seconds (I scrolled by it quick) and your analysis is so thoughtful, as always. Simultaneously gross and hilarious. Thanks, I really appreciated the laugh!

  33. omg! I am amazed you managed to even look beyond the hairiness to notice the missing nipple and freakish hands. lol. I got mesmerized by the pelt on his front and it scarred my eyes so much I couldn't bear to look at the cover any longer.

  34. omg I have missed cover critique so much! As always absolutely hilarious! Honestly he scared me with just the hair alone much less the huge hand and one nipple.

  35. EWWWW! LOL..all that hair is just GROSS..:P Not my idea of a stud. Unless he is in transition into his wolf form I am thinking that is not an attractive man..LOL

    Welcome back Jenny, really missed the cover critiques!

  36. Yikes and ewww all in one. I definitely would steer clear of this guy. I agree with Kelsey unless he's a werewolf but even still...I think I'll take Taylor Lautner's rockin bod over this guy's.

  37. Small hands, small... Oh, well, this book cover makes me want to run screaming for some Nair! What were they thinking? LOL My arm hair is standing on end...
    Frantically funny cover critique, Jenny. :P
    Thank you for my package, too, Jenny, I'm happy as a hoppin' little hairless pig in mud!
    Come see my blurb about you on my blog...

  38. Could you imagine snuggling into that chest? It would probably end up in your mouth. o_o

  39. hahaha, omg, you'd get rug burn just trying to snuggle with that, well, rug! I could seriously braid it, there's so much!


  40. Does. Not. Compute.
    Ughhhhh... Staring at the cover too long makes my head hurt trying to process it.

  41. Oh. My. Word. This cover is absolutely weird. I mean if he's a werewolf maybe it's okay but uhm... no. Please NO. This is just NOT my kind of man. Awesome and hilarious cover critique!

  42. eeeeeeeewwwwww! Is this some kind of Beauty and the Beast retelling with the possibility of a hair-removing transformation at the end? Please??

  43. You just made my day! I love your Cover Critiques. Though I have to admit, this one has given me the urge to jump that guy...with an electric razor...or possibly a lawn mower. Not sure if the razor would do it...

  44. LOL! What an odd placement of hair. And yet slightly intriguing. Interestingly, I also felt the need to itch myself when I saw this picture.

  45. The nip, the nip, oh the missing nip (yes I did just make a song out of that)!

    Just one question? Is he the gorillaman of your dreams? Fess up! You know you want to frizz-ease all that hair into a nice soft fluffy pillow!

    (hehe your welcome on the cards!)

  46. I love hair on the chest, but even that is a little excessive. WHAT THE HAILLLLL!

    Liza @ Book Crook Liza

  47. Dude! Even the name of the book makes me snort.