Friday, February 25, 2011

Cover Critique: Special Guest Post Edition

Today I have a very special guest temporarily taking over the cover critique reins, so I'd like to give a big Supernatural Snark welcome to my dad. For those of you that missed last week's cover critique commenting debacle, let me briefly explain why he's on the blog today. You see, my dad thought it would be hilarious to pose as disgruntled romance cover designer Mark and give me a lengthy dressing down in the comments–threatening to sue while also making a plethora of snarky comments of his own regarding the covers in question. Not amusing. When I was finally informed that Mark was actually my very own father and not a real commenter, I decided he should put his creative sarcasm to better use and do an actual post. So, this week I've asked him to give us a man's perspective on one of my very favorite covers I've critiqued in addition to one completely new design masterpiece, thinking what better way to celebrate a Friday than to dazzle you all with his impressive wit? And, by the way, my dad's name is actually Bruce, not Mark. Hope you enjoy!

Okay, Jenny, I will accept as just punishment for pulling your leg last week that I should have to provide my perspective on some of these covers you have so much fun with. And after all, I’ve read a lot of books (not these books, but books) and judged them by their covers like everyone else, so I’m thoroughly qualified to comment. Sort of.

I read your critique of this cover and found your bafflement puzzling. It’s quite plainly obvious that our hero character has, quite literally, “thrown over” one woman in favor of another. I assume this is a murder mystery story, and that the feet we see are those of the victim. And I will admit, it seems a little tacky that our hero would carry on with his true love right there in front of the corpse and everything. But hey, maybe Woman No. 1 killed Woman No. 2 (or vice versa) and hero boy is most grateful. You have to read the book to find out–that’s the whole purpose of the cover, after all.

What I find baffling is, what kind of car is that? Clearly it’s a station wagon–how else could the corpse be in that position? Our hero drives a station wagon? And it looks like a new Lexus (but it can’t be because they don’t make station wagons) with a nice curved handle anchored by real African rosewood trim. But then the window must have come from a 1949 Plymouth with that ungainly window divider.

And why is the headliner falling down? And why is it red when the interior of the car is blue?

Those are the things that baffle me. (See, I can find fault too when it’s deserved.)

Oh, and one other thing. Your critique mentioned a reason why in your view, the hero must have a “tongue like a giraffe.” Where did you learn such things, young lady?

*BLUSHES* You were supposed to gloss over that part of my commentary Dad, that way we could both continue to live happily in our father/daughter bubble of denial that either of us is anything other than virginal and celibate. Making mention of the giraffe tongue situation threatens to pop that bubble, and I need it in place to function properly on a day to day basis, so your acknowledgments of my use of sexual innuendo must cease and desist immediately!

And only a man would be more interested in the car aspect of this cover than the weird contortionist sexual extravaganza taking place on (or seemingly through) its seats.

Well, gee, this is just about the perfect cover. You looked just like that when you were a baby, all cuddly in your little pink sleeper with the little bunny hat. Yes, even the blurry focus reminds me of all the pictures we took when you were a little girl. Ahhhhh.

This being a “romance” novel (says so right there on the cover), obviously we’re viewing the RESULT of the romance, and it looks to have been a happy conclusion. I do wonder what’s happened to Mommy here; perhaps that’s the intrigue contained inside the book. Maybe Daddy did something nefarious, creating another murder mystery. Maybe that’s not Daddy but a kidnapper. Or maybe it’s Hugh Hefner in his very early days raising Playboy Bunnies from the get-go. Yeah, that’s the ticket! It’s a book about a guy raising an entire army of beautiful, sexy women who will go on some kind of mission like “The Dirty Dozen” (in that case, I guess it would be more like a platoon) and save the country from some dastardly doings.

See, it’s the perfect cover. Probably be a 3D movie and video game someday.

And I bet you’ll never ask ME to do a cover review again!

Apparently my dad is somewhat preoccupied with murder mysteries and feels it necessary to rationalize away all sexual content into something involving brutal death. Interesting. Perhaps this has something to do with his own coping mechanisms with regard to the aforementioned father/daughter bubble of denial. While I think he is on to something with his Playboy Bunny line of thought, I just want to point out that the title of this book is actually very creepy when read in conjunction with this image. The title has a sexual undertone given that it's a Silhouette Romance but yet we are shown a man nuzzling an actual baby. Not a woman he calls baby. An actual chubby-cheeked infant with an unfortunate hat on her head. It's just uncomfortable really.

I will neither confirm nor deny that my cheeks were this chubby when I was little, I think Dad grossly exaggerates in our comparison! And this baby looks constipated, I'm quite certain my baby bowels always worked properly and such a look never graced my angelic face;)

Thanks for stopping by Dad, and happy Friday everyone!


  1. Oh my gosh, you guys are hilarious - both of you! I totally missed last weeks comment ( I forgot to subscribe the comments) Anyhow, this post totally made me ready for the day with a smile.

    Jen: Oh I totally get your frustation, parents don't ever have sex, neither do we.. Better that way:)

    Jen's Dad: Love your critique and found it impressing how you left out nearly every sexual reference. And that is apart from the fact that those two in Blaze a most definitely NOT trying to solve a murder case there...just saying..
    But, Impressive.... ;)

  2. I'm so jealous that you were able to get your dad to guest post. That's awesome. And funny.

    The more I look at it, the more Rumor Has It strikes me as physically impossible. Unless there's a threesome going on. Is that the rumor? Either way, I don't think the hand belongs to the same person who owns the legs. At least, it shouldn't.

  3. ROFL. Your Dad is just as funny as you Jenny. Seriously I cracked up laughing especially when he began to worry about what kind of car that was on the cover. Awww men!

  4. Oh, this was awesome. I loved the Playboy Bunny Platoon line!

  5. Well, it is obvious where your humor comes from Jenny, your dad is a hoot. Love you including his comments. Waves to Bruce. Hope you get him to do this again.

  6. OMG! Jenny, your dad is as hilarious as you. I had a good laugh while reading the post. Thank you! This post made my day :)

  7. Lol! Hi Jenny's dad!

    OMG! This is just about the funniest thing ever! I love it. hahaha! I seem to have missed last weeks post - weird because I always check these, but I was away last week and didn't see it. I'm going to take a look now.

    Best. Post. Ever!

    I think you should become a regular contributor to cover critique, Bruce!

  8. *spit take*

    This post is made of win!

  9. LOL! Hello Jenny's Dad!

    Just by reading your critique,I can tell that you both have the same sense of humor! Absolutely Hilarious!

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. If I asked my dad to do a cover critique it would be the same kind of thing. I think my dad is still in denial over what his little girl reads. Word to the wise, when putting your father on your Kindle account make a pact that you will just send him books. I gave my dad my old Kindle last year and left him on my accounts. I have lots of books he will like. At first my dad looked at the archive and was like A Little Harmless Sex, Cowboy Games, and Bound for the Holidays. I didn't have the heart to tell him those were just the obvious naughty ones LOL

    He now just lets me send him books:)

  12. CLEARLY I see where you get your humour now, Jenny hahahah you and your father both crack me up! A baby on the cover of a romance novel just baffles me hahahaahaha

  13. Tears are literally streaming down my face right now I'm laughing so hard. You and your dad crack me up!!

  14. I loved this post my Padded Cell buddy! You and your dad make a great team!

    Great job Bruce!

  15. Omg, this is hilarious!! must invite Bruce, aka, Mark, aka Dad back for future critiques!!! Lol!

  16. This is great... You should feature your dad more often Jenny!

  17. What fun comments of your dad. Such fun! ;)

  18. Thanks for all the wonderful comments everyone! I'm glad you're all enjoying our family collaboration:) I will have to have Dad/Mark/Bruce on the critique more often!

  19. OMgosh that was awesome. Your dad cracked me up. Thats so awesome he critiqued with you.

    Giraffe tongue -goodness if my dad read that I think Id pee my pants. Even though he’s probably done more than me in his lifetime...:D

  20. I can't even breath right now! The pair of you are a powerhouse of snark.

    Question: Can I come over for Thanksgiving? I'm serious.

  21. Haha oh gosh, this is too much. So funny, both of you. That first cover is just ... wow, and not in a good way. And the baby?! Oh gosh!! I don't even want to know... it's so creepy/strange/etc.

  22. Tina - His prank last week worked out for the best, it was fun to have him on the blog:) And I almost did pee my pants, right after I turned bright red and started sputtering:)

    Missie - We would love to have you for Thanksgiving, just be prepared, you haven't "met" my mom yet and she really just completes our trio of ridiculousness:)

  23. Ashley - There are really no words to describe the first book. It's so spectacular it defies definition:)

  24. LOL fun to see two vastly different opinions. The first cover still baffles me as I can't make sense of it at all. Legs in the air, and the body position is all wrong.

  25. ROFLMAO uh.. I mean hiney.. excuse me sir... ;D

    OMgosh! ;) I'm SO glad my father doesn't read my blog. Especially during book boyfriend days. LOL Oh this is so full of WIN! I have no comments other than "giraffe tongue"? with "young lady"?! ROFL!

  26. LOL! Loved this post :D
    And that first cover, so weird

  27. If you hadn't noticed that your father seems to be interested in murder mysteries, I totally would have commented on it :)

    I can't believe you tried to analyze the first cover. I was reading your critique, Jenny, and was like where are the legs that you keep mentioning. I am so blind! Lol, and you got your dad to read your thoughts too? I'd never share any thing like that with my parents. They can keep thinking me and my siblings are very innocent ;)

  28. haha, glad to know snarkiness runs in the family :) Ah, the father/daughter bubble of denial; I know it well.

  29. Jenny - It is all wrong, that's what makes it so amazing. There's no way that's one person, the parts just don't line up:)

    Melissa - It's okay, you can swear in front of my dad, he's familiar with my mouth:) And normally, we both embrace the denial bubble and make no mention of my love of romance books and what happens in them, but he made me laugh by bringing it up this time!

    Blodeudd - Glad we could make you laugh!

    Zahida - I maintain that I am still innocent as far as my parents are concerned, just as they are innocent in my head and I was a product of immaculate conception. I'm a miracle:)

    Aylee - It's a necessary thing, the bubble of denial. Any thoughts existing outside said bubble threaten to scar me for life with their imagery:)

  30. Oh my! That first cover took me a moment to figure out and than I had an "Oh My!" moment.

    I'm still smiling at the tongue like a giraffe!

  31. I definitely agree with Juju on the first cover. "Oh My!" I was trying to envision what was going on in that car. Her legs are up there and her arms are down there. That's quite a position and quite a cover for dear old dad to critique.

    I slapped the table with laughter on your dad's critique of the second cover. Would love to see a side-by-side pic of you in your cute little bunny sleeper. Hilarious about being the result of the romance and the murder mystery angle. LOL Hugh Hefner! LMAO! I can't stop laughing. My stomach hurts....Have a great weekend :)

  32. LMAO That was hilarious! Jenny's dad, you rock!

    Jenny, that Daddy/Daughter bubble is so fragile!!!! Mine and dad's broke not so long ago and its a scary thing! =P

  33. I definitely see where you get your wit from Jenny! This was the best laugh I have had this week! I hope your dad will continue to do a post every now and then! Love it!!

  34. I missed the whole incident with your dad last week so I had to go back and catch up! Of course, the one week I miss. I see where your sense of humor comes from, but seriously if that's one girl in that car, she's got a freakish body. But I buy your dad's explanation completely. Figures a man is going to focus on the car though.

    I believe on Smart Bitches one time I saw a cover with a Pregnant Woman on a romance novel and she was being kidnapped. They said it was the worst cover ever and the author came on line and defended herself. She wasn't mad she just said, "Hey any publicity is good publicity!" So, you can use that line if anyone seriously gets disgruntled.

    Thanks for the laughs!!

  35. Juju - "Oh My" just about sums it up:) And the man obviously does have a abnormally lengthy tongue if he's doing what he appears to be doing, either that her calves are attached her, um, girl parts.

    Julie - Yes, for all the tears he caused me last week, I thought it only fitting he should have to critique one of the more interesting covers:)

    Larissa - It is fragile, I'm doing everything in my power to keep it in place. These cover critiques obviously aren't helping:)

    Kelsey - Thanks, so glad we could make you laugh!

    Heather - Her body makes no sense, it's just not a possible position to be in. No one is that bend-y. And very true on the publicity statement, I just want everyone to take my comments in the lighthearted fun with which they are intended:)

  36. ROFL, this post is a riot. The covers and the critiques are fabulous. I hope your dad posts frequently, Jenny. You guys make a great team!

  37. LMAO! Best guest post ever! I like the slight shift from the usual anatomy-focused critiques to murder and army raising :P

  38. BEST. COVER. CRITIQUE. EVER. (Ok, now that I've gotten the need to use caps out of the way, on to my comment).

    Ha, I can now see where your fantastic wit and snarkiness comes from. I was shrieking with laughter at your bubble of denial comments. Who knew we'd have Jenny blushing on her own blog? *grins* Oh and to your Dad? Well, he rocks. Period. You have to have him guest post more Jenny - oh please, please, please say you will? You absolutely just made my day with this post :D