Thursday, August 11, 2011

Cover Critique: Bad Brad + An Enchanted Update

Let me preface this post by saying that my critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.

Um. I'm not sure I can fully express my thoughts on this cover in words, but I'm going to try. Maybe talking it out will help me better understand just what is happening here because I find myself at a loss. Why, oh why, has the image of his body been cropped this way? Basically, and stop me if I'm wrong, it looks like Brad here is beginning to lift a leg as though he's going to pass gas and send those little candle flames up in a blaze of smelly glory with his noxious fumes. Is that why he's bad? He ruins the Festival of Lights by stripping naked and then streaking from one light show to the next farting on candles? Is that what I'm to take away from this cover? One word my friends: Sexy. I personally find myself unbearably attracted to men who use their body's natural flatulence in creative, if fire hazardous, ways. Honestly, who doesn't? You and me Brad, we're a match made in heaven.

So, now that we've established that our naughty friend Brad either enjoys having his butt cheeks singed and/or thinks farting on flames is hilarious, we can afford to look at the other element on the cover: A coil of rope. Huh. Does he tie people up and torture them by forcing them to stay in the same room with him while he puts on his little show? *full body shudder* I can just picture this as some sort of fraternity stunt where a poor pledge is tied to a chair in a room full of candles, covered with a blanket and then forced to endure a repeated dutch oven by Brad and company. Romantic feelings this cover does not inspire.

I think we're supposed to get an erotic BDSM vibe with the candles and the rope and the nakedness, but the way all the elements come together is just so very wrong. I keep blinking at the image thinking maybe the next time I close my eyes I'm going to open them to find the candles have been snuffed out by Bad Brad's wind, and in my infinite maturity, I find that endlessly amusing. Win.

Moving on from Baddy McBad above, some of you may remember a few weeks back I did a critique of some beautifully illustrated covers that were just a touch awkward due to the foliage emerging from the young woman's backside. If you missed that one, or can't recall it, allow me to refresh your memory:

Ah yes, the butt blooms. Magnificent. Since the little tagline said "more erotic bedtime stories" I figured there must have been a prequel to the above title and got very excited as to what it could possibly look like after the gorgeous bizarreness of this one. So I looked it up and found this:

I was most aggrieved at the seeming normalcy of this cover, and you may remember I had been hoping for some sort of nipple blossom in this image given that her bum was the focus of book two. Well, ask and ye shall receive my friends, ask and ye shall receive. Behold:

What a spectacular titty lily she has! She's positively orgasmic over the fact that her breasts have spawned such a monstrous flower, and I have to say I feel just a bit self-conscious that my own boobs have no such abilities. Alas, my nipples are quite infertile. How disappointing for me.

She better come out of her pleasure-induced stupor quickly though, those black birds seem to have a keen interest in her bosom flora and look as though they are gearing up to dive bomb her chest at any moment. Snap out of it my little naked nymph, danger is brewing!

The illustration on this cover again is beautiful, but the placement of the flower just makes me giddy happy. A big thank you to Aleksandra for finding this gem and bringing it to my attention!

Happy Friday Everyone:)


  1. I am quite disappointed my nipples are infertile as well. If only we could be so lucky.

  2. That picture of 'Brad' up there reminds me of the early days of computer porn when as the picture was slowly loading, you played a game of 'name that body part'!

    Personally, I'd be worried about having caught some terrible tropical disease if I suddenly started sprouting foliage from various body parts...

  3. LOL That first one I can't even make out. It's weird. Is he twisting? *scratches head* What's with the veins in his arms? Yuck! And if he sat down, he'd say: Yooooowwwww!

    The Enchanted covers are pretty, but yes the placing of the flora and fauna doesn't exactly look comfortable. Even though the second cover looks normal compared to the other does seem like the plant is growing out of her ear.

  4. I must have stared at Brad up there for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what was what. It is rather awkwardly cropped. I'm still baffled as to how erotic stories = foliage sprouting from random orifices. Not my idea of erotic but hey, different strokes for different folks I suppose.

  5. Haha!!! I mean seriously the cover from Brad is just bad, I don't even have other words for it. He's standing awkward and then this robe... just photoshoped inside? Seriously?? hmpf!

    I love the enchanted illustrations but you are right..the blossoms come out of the wrong.. uhm areas! and... I think she actually forgot the boobs in the last one... I mean that lying chick there is really flat!

    Happy Friday!

  6. A flowering nipple! Amazing! LOL I love all the covers you find. Thanks for the laughs!

  7. The Bad Brad cover calls to mind....... really bad photoshop skills. He looks as though he's going to set his fanny on fire.
    Wasn't there some weird science fiction movie or show that had people infected and started sprouting foliage? Now it's going to drive me batty until I figure out which.......

    Thanks for the cover snark!

  8. Ouch! I just sneezed and snorted at the same time. I have no clue how that was even possible, but trust me to find a way.

    Dear Brad, WTF? That is all. xoxo, Missie

  9. Oh my god, "titty lilly" - I laughed so hard I cried. :)

    I'd seen the cover for Bad Brad once before but flaming farts never came to mind but now it's all I'll ever see.

    Thanks for the laughs!

  10. Amanda - Right? It's sad for us that we can't sprout plant life:(

    Otterdaughter - Seriously! I have no idea why they chose to crop him like that:)

    Julie - I think he is twisting. To get away from the candles? I have no idea which is what makes it so good:)

    Rachel - Me too! The whole thing makes so little sense, I just love it:) And the foliage makes me happy, I can't help it.

    Danny - She is really flat, I noticed that as well. That actually made me feel a bit better about the not-being-able-to-grow-boob flowers thing:)

    Tara - Isn't it? I thought it was quite spectacular:)

    Brandy - Is there a movie where people sprout foliage? I would love to know what it's called. I would so watch that:)

    Missie - YES! That was my goal today:) I think we should all read the first book so we can see what's up with Brad:)

  11. Jennifer - Well, that's what she has! And I'm glad I've ruined Bad Brad for you forevermore ;-)

  12. Oh Bad Brad, why'd they stick you on such a horrid cover? Can't you see? He's trying to get away from the horror of it all. I completely understand. If I was on that cover, I'd try to run too.

  13. oooohhhh- you said farts and tit lily, I think Im going to go to the bathroom now from peeing pants laughing.....

  14. Oh wow, what's up with those Enchanted covers. Really! Wow, if everybody's boosem could that the world would look like a much happier, greener place. :) Great finds.

  15. My first thought its half an arse!!! HA, I really want to know what these people are thinking when they create these covers!

  16. OMG that Enchanted Again cover is hilarious! I can't stop laughing! And on the Bad Brad cover-- 0_0 UMM I have absolutely no comment. LOL

  17. Ahhh as soon as you said "farting", I couldn't stop laughing! *gasps for breath*
    As for the "Enchanted" series...where will she sprout flora from next!? Haha.

  18. OMG!!! That's the most hilarious post i've ever read and i just can't stop laughing :-D

  19. Oh yes pumpkin crack, I had forgotten about her o_O

  20. Kris - I think you're definitely right, he's trying to get away and hide his identity. Good call:)

    Tina - Hahaha I did. It needed to be said:)

    Nina - You're so right, we should all have titty blooms and butt blossoms. Think of the fun:)

    Savy - Why do we just get one cheek? I don't understand:)

    Bailey - I had to take a few minutes and gather my thoughts on Brad before I could address him:)

    Lauren - I laughed when I typed it. I don't know why the word "fart" is so funny, but it is:) And I do hope we get another Enchanted cover, I'll be stalking the internet for it!

    Priya - Yay! Glad you enjoyed:)

    Blodeuedd - How could you forget? She's amazing:) And now she has a companion. Win!

  21. Seriously that Enchanted chica is going to get something in her lady bits ;)

  22. that is so great!!!!!! lol like I say each week I look forward to these. Thanks for them they make me laugh everytime. Also i wish that my boobs had that power too :)

  23. LOL...Looks like there is some serious nipple action going on in the last pic and since there is a spotlight on the bird it must mean something.

  24. Lol, I looked at cover #1 and couldn't believe they'd chosen that pose. Thanks to you, now I'll keep expecting Brad to fart too :)

  25. Juju - Honestly! She should be more careful:)

    Laura - Can you imagine if all of our boobs could grow flowers? What an interesting world that would be:)

    Jenny - I was wondering about that spotlight, I have no idea why it's there!

    Zahida - You're welcome, glad I could bring you over to the dark side where farting on candles is a distinct possibility:)

  26. ROFL!

    Oh my... Brad is part of the blue flamers club, eh? lol Oh if you find out why he is bad, do tell!

    Hm... I still think that her butt is more fertile than her boob. Maybe it's the fertilizer. Yes... I went there. :P

  27. LOL! Wow, these covers just get better and better!

  28. Oh, good lord. What is going on with that first cover?! How did the creators of that cover not see what you did (and anyone with eyes can see)?! My eyes!

    Oh, and I might want a "titty lily" too is it would make me feel that good. Heh.

  29. LOL, so funny!!! Thanks for making me laugh again :)

  30. LMAO. I have no words for those covers were the plants are growing in the most awkward places.

  31. Brad just looks awkward. What are we finding sexy? His arm? His barely visible tprso and thigh? Sigh. Mix in the distracting Festival of Lights call out and the Hebraic looking font and now I feel like screaming "We get it!" My question now is, "Why aren't those candles in the hanukiah where they belong?"

    My nipples are feeling very inadequate now. THANKS JENNY.

  32. Cover #1...Looks like he has some deformed ribs - or I assume those are what are sticking out of his stomach. And he shifting his leg/hip in a very girlish way. Maybe he's confused.

  33. Jenny-

    I've got to remember to empty my bladder before I read these!! I wonder what kind of fertilizer she uses on her boobs. Alas, mine too are infertile.
    And here's to your immaturity! May you never stop these posts!!


  34. LOL!
    I actually still don't get the first cover!

  35. hahahaa, oh, I have the humor level of a 12 year old boy. Fart jokes never fail to make me laugh and the image you created of a dutch oven torture set up complete with rope and candles is almost too much to bear! Hopefully that little nymph makes it out ok with that bird situation. :P

  36. HAHAHA!!! I love your way with words! Titty lily, indeed! And I hadn't thought of the farting on the candles thing, but you're absolutely right about that. I don't think I could pick this book up without giggling every time I saw this cover.


  37. The best part about being on a week-long trip away from WiFi and suffering withdrawal symptoms... I get to read two of your hilarious Cover Critiques upon returning to my beloved computer!

    It's so funny that you would remark upon the woman on the second cover's lack of a titty lily-- and behold, the next book in the series delivers. The Bad Brad cover is one of those which I'd like to dare someone to carry around the mall or read on the subway with the cover in full view... preferably a guy. Thanks for the laughs, Jenny!

  38. my nipples are quite infertile. How disappointing for me.

    Shakes head at your utter ridiculousness, but awesomeness! ;)

  39. Oh. Em. Gee. HAHAHAH! That cover confused me so much. I was looking at it, at first, on my cell phone and I could NOT make out what it was actually a picture of. I felt like some pregnant lady's body had been oddly cropped and I was looking at a jacked up pic of her body. Then, I finally made out Bad Brad....that is so weird. I'm still just staring at it and blinking trying to get it to focus right.

    Also, *raises hands* I want a boob bloom! I wonder how we make that happen. *ponders*

    In the Closet With a Bibliophile