Monday, December 2, 2013

Scorched Deleted Scene: The Original Beginning

I'm hugely excited today to share with you a deleted scene from Mari Mancusi's paranormal young adult novel, Scorched. I thoroughly enjoyed this book when I read it a little while back, and I'm definitely counting down the days until the sequel releases. It has dragons you guys. Dragons. I don't think anything else needs to be said really.

Mari, as a fun holiday treat, has decided to release an opening scene that didn't make it through the editing process, but before you check it out I'll let her tell you a little bit about it and why it was  cut.


Sometimes the most difficult part about writing a book is figuring out where to begin. And sometimes authors like myself end up with several false starts before finally discovering the true first page of their book. In the original version of Scorched I started the story with Connor and Caleb at age ten, on the day their father was killed and their destinies changed forever.

But while it’s certainly a dramatic, important scene with tons of dragon action, it doesn’t drop the reader right into the real crux of the current conflict—the dragon egg arriving at the museum and the soldiers trying to steal it. Ultimately, I ended up using a shorter version of this as a flashback later on in the final book. But I do still have some affection for this extended peak into the boys’ family life, before it was torn apart by dragons. 

It’s fun to look back at the story as it might have been. And I hope you enjoy the sneak peek into a writer’s head. Oh and by the way? At this stage the working title of the book was “Scales of Time.” (Which no one seemed to like but me! Sigh.)

Year 100, Post-Scorch

Ten-year-old Caleb Johnson leapt from the pile of twisted iron wreckage he’d been hiding behind, arms outstretched and fingers curled into claws. “I am the dreaded ruby dragon, Epsilon!” he declared, a fierce expression on his sunburned, freckled face. “Beware or I will unleash my mighty flames upon you!” He roared again for emphasis.

His identical twin brother, Connor, squealed into a mixture of delight and surprise as he expertly dodged his brother’s charge and took off running through the Pre-Flag building—down a rubble-filled corridor, beneath a blackened archway, leaping over crumbling cinderblocks and ducking rusty steel pipes, his brother hot on his heels. From above, orange rays of light from the setting sun leaked through cracks in the battered tin roof, effectively illuminating his path. 

"You cannot get away!" Caleb cried from behind him. "No one can escape a dragon! RAWR!"

Connor dead-ended in a long, chamber, filled with rotting wooden benches that faced some kind of elevated stage and dusty altar. The roof had held here, allowing him a better glimpse into what the room must have looked like, once upon a time. A church, his mother had told them when they’d taken shelter here earlier that day.

Caleb burst into the room, his crooked teeth bared in a ferocious snarl. Connor laughed, running down the aisle and grabbing a metal scepter that lay abandoned on the ground near the altar. Turning on his brother, he wielded the metal object as if it were a mighty gun-blade.

“I don’t need to escape,” he proclaimed bravely. “I am a Hunter. And I will take you down!” He leapt forward, ready to destroy the mighty dragon once and for--

"Caleb? Connor? Get back here where I can see you." 

Connor lowered his gun-blade. "Awh, Mom."

"We're just having fun," Caleb added.

Their mother poked her head into the chamber. “Well, dinner’s almost ready," she informed them. "You do want to eat, don't you?"

It wasn’t really a question. Dropping his makeshift weapon, Conner scrambled after his mother and brother down the rubble-filled hall and into the stifling heat of a smaller entry room with four good walls, ceiling and door. His mother had swept out all the ashes when they'd first arrived and set up a makeshift camp—complete with cinderblock fire, on which she had set her large cast-iron pot. She looked over at her boys and smiled.

"And how are my brave little Dragon Hunters?" she asked, a teasing look in her eyes.

"Starving," Connor replied, peering into the cauldron where the soup bubbled and boiled. The smoke stung his eyes, but the smell more than made up for it.

"Well, you're in luck. My snares caught a couple of rats today. So there's real meat in the soup." She grabbed two cracked ceramic bowls from one of the worn knapsacks she’d piled in a corner, ladling the cauldron's contents into them and handing them to her sons. Mom was an expert at making what Dad jokingly called "stone soup" with the scarce ingredients she could scavenge while camping out on the surface lands.

The boys settled down on their sleeping mats and Connor brought the bowl to his mouth, burning his tongue on the steaming liquid. It was a bit bland--they'd run out of salt earlier that week--but it would fill his rumbling stomach and that was all that mattered in the end.

A sudden noise outside made Mom leap to her feet, grabbing the knife from her belt and gripping it tightly in her hand. "Who's there?" she demanded, her voice almost fierce enough to disguise her fear. "We're armed and will not hesitate to defend ourselves."

"Will you now, my love?" asked the tall, burly man sauntering through the door. The boys squealed in delight as they dropped their bowls to great their father. Mom set down her knife, letting out a sigh of relief, as Caleb and Connor fought to hug Dad first. He dropped down to their eye level and ruffled their matching brown heads of hair.

"My boys!" he cried, kissing each of them on the cheek. "Have you been good? Keeping your mother safe for me?"

"Yes, Sir," Connor assured him with a small salute. "She's all right. And there's rat in the soup tonight."

Dad flashed a smile at Mom. "Rat in the soup," he repeated. "Well, this is a good night indeed then." He rose to his feet and walked over to his wife, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her close.

"Any luck today?" Connor heard her ask in a low voice.

Dad released her from his embrace and walked over to the corner to pull off his dusty jacket and boots. "No," he replied. "But he's out there. I can smell his smoke in the air. And his shadow crossed the sun at least twice today. It's as if he's searching for something."

Mom handed him a bowl of soup. "Forget him, then," she urged. "We've been out here thirty days now and he's not come down. We're out of food and it's not good for the boys to be out here so long."  

"Is it really any better down below?" Dad asked her pointedly. "With no dragon heart, we have no money and no means to buy bread or meat. We'll end up living in Shanty Town. At least up here, we're free."

"Free to get eaten by a dragon or murdered by wandering bandits."

"But thirty pieces of silver, love! I slay this dragon and we'll live like kings and queens!" 

"Please. I'd rather have you alive and well than be any kind of stuffy royalty."

Dad chuckled at her grumpy face. "Oh, wife," he teased. "What did I do to deserve you?" He planted a kiss on her sunburned nose. "Okay, you win," he said. "Tomorrow when the sun rises, we'll head straight to the C Gate. Go underground and regroup. Maybe send the boys to school for a bit." He sat down on his mat and started sipping his soup.

Connor and Caleb looked at one another with distaste. The last thing they wanted was to go below again. Where it was cramped and dirty and crowded with other people. They preferred it up here--a surface land filled with undiscovered treasures from the old world. Even if they did have to worry about--

An inhuman howl pierced through the evening air.

Dad was on his feet instantly. "It's him," he announced, looking over at Mom with an excited gleam in his eyes. "My last call must have reached him. He's coming in at last." 

Mom swallowed hard, turning to the boys. "Go to the innermost chamber," she instructed, her voice thick with fear. "The one with the best roof. And wait there until you hear from us." She doused the fire and started grabbing their things, stuffing them into bags.

“But Mom!” Connor protested. He didn't want to miss out on the action.

“No backtalk. Do it now!” Her voice left no room for argument.

The boys reluctantly turned and headed down the rubble-filled corridor, toward the large chamber. When they were out of sight of their parents, Caleb turned to Connor, his eyes shining with excitement. I know a place we can watch from, he told him, using their silent twin speak that no one else could hear. I found it earlier today. Mom will never know.

Connor grinned. Major. Lead the way.

He followed his brother through a now darkened corridor, through a caved-in wall and up a pile of rubble until they reached a broken glass window that led out onto the roof. Caleb squeezed his skinny body through and then turned, motioning for his brother to follow him.

Connor looked reluctantly at the window. I don’t know… he hedged.

Dad’s going to slay a dragon, Connor. You want to miss it?

Connor shook his head. “No, of course not,” he said aloud, making up his mind and climbing through the window, careful not to cut himself on the glass. Without proper medicine, the smallest cut out here could be deadly. He followed his brother up the metal roof, slick from a recent rain, until they could peek over to the other side of the building, where Dad was readying for his fight.

They looked at each other and grinned, then turned back to the scene. Dad had pulled his mighty gun-bade from its holster and readied his shield, the shiny metal gleaming in the dusky eve. As the boys watched, he scanned the darkened sky, eyes locking onto his target, far above. Connor followed his gaze. A Sapphire, he realized. Only half grown by the look of it. Should be an easy fight for an experienced Dragon Hunter like their father.

"It's so beautiful," Caleb said with a dreamy sigh. "It's almost a shame Dad has to kill it."

Connor shuddered, seeing nothing beautiful about the hard-scaled creature with razor sharp teeth and vacant eyes. The dragon seemed to dance through the sky, flittering about, toying with their father. Dad shrugged the gun-blade onto his shoulder and readied his first shot. Sucked in his breath, lining up his target. Then he pulled the trigger.

The dragon let out an angry screech as the bullet bounced harmlessly off its sapphire plated scales. He'd missed the sweet spot. The one soft scale under the left wing. Dad liked to brag about one-shot kills. But today evidently wasn't his day.

The creature released a stream of fire--scorching the ground mere feet from where their father had stood--Dad leaping backwards, just in time. Connor scooted further up on the roof, to get a better look, his heart feeling as if it would crack his ribs it was beating so hard.

Come on, Dad! he urged his father silently. Kill it!

Suddenly the dragon whipped its head around, stony eyes locking straight onto Connor as if it had heard his silent cry. Shock caused him to lose his balance on the slippery roof and a moment later he found himself tumbling down the other side, as the dragon's screech reverberated in his ears. He slammed onto the desert floor, a sharp pain shooting up his leg as his ankle crumpled and cracked.

"Connor!" Dad cried in a horrified voice. He started toward his son. But the dragon was too quick, coming down for a fast landing. Panicked, Connor tried to scramble away, but his foot dragged uselessly--his ankle likely broken.

He looked up and found himself face to face with the dragon, now standing only a few feet away, studying him with cold eyes. The creature pulled back its head, smoke billowing from its nostrils. Connor swallowed hard. One more moment and the fire would come. And it would be over forever. He squared his scrawny shoulders instead, ready to face death like a man and--

Suddenly Connor found himself being grabbed and thrown--like a sack full of hot potatoes. He hit the ground a few yards away with a hard thump, the pain shooting up his leg all over again. But it scarcely registered as he watched the dragon let loose a stream of fire--striking his father--who had dropped his shield and gun-blade to save his son--full force in the chest. For a moment, his dad's body just stood there, as if frozen in place while being engulfed in a sea of flames. Then he fell to the ground, screaming with agony.

"No!" Connor cried. In a fit of adrenaline-pumped rage, he dove at the discarded gun-blade. Gripping it in his hands, he turned to the creature, and, before the dragon could conjure up another blast, charged full force. Stabbing the gun-blade straight into the creature's soft spot, just as his father had taught him to do.

The dragon bellowed in agony, collapsing to the ground and writhing in pain as the blade pierced its unprotected heart. Connor met the creature's eyes with his own, staring it down with defiant rage. He yanked out the blood-soaked blade and stabbed the now helpless creature again. And again. And--

 “Connor, stop! He’s dead. The dragon’s dead!” He felt his mother’s arms grab him from behind and drag him away. He collapsed onto the ground, once again aware of the pain in his ankle. His mother dropped to her knees, searching his face with her own tear-stained one.

"Dad?" he managed to say, even though he already knew in his heart what her answer would be.

Mom shook her head. “I’m sorry Connor,” she said, tears streaming down her own cheeks. He buried his face in her chest, letting the grief take him. She held him close, rocking him gently, soothing him in soft whispers.

"I can't believe he's gone," he sobbed against her.

"I know sweetie," she murmured. "But he died a hero. Always remember that. And you're a hero, too. The way you killed that dragon..." He could feel the shake of her head. "You must have inherited your father's skills as a Dragon Hunter."

He shrugged, pulling away from her embrace and limping over to the dead dragon. He spit on the corpse, wishing there was some way to inflict even more pain and suffering on the creature who had taken his father away from them.

"I'll have my revenge on the rest of your kind," he whispered to the dragon. "I won't rest until dragons have been wiped out for good."

Find Mari and Scorched:


  1. I actually think Scales of Time is a really interesting title! Anyway, I love hearing about the writing process, so thanks for sharing this, Jenny - it's great!(:

    1. I really like Scales of Time too! I like Scorched as well, but Scales of Time really makes sense for this first book. I would have voted for that title ;-)

  2. I have SCORCHED on my reading radar soon, and you'd better believe I'm even more excited than ever to read that deleted scene! Seriously! What is better than dragons?! Thanks so much for making me even more excited for this book, Jenny! :)

    1. DRAGONS MELISSA! I don't know why I find them so fascinating, but I do. I will read anything with dragons:)

  3. I *still* haven't picked up Scorched, though it is sitting on my shelf (my mood just hasn't been read-y lately. Sad!) but this deleted scene has sparked my interest. So...maybe! I think a lot of authors are using those prequels as #0.5 novellas, too. Or so it seems to me!

    1. I was like that a few weeks ago Mary, and then I read a pair of awesome books back to back and I'm back in my reading groove. I hope something amazing finds its way to you soon:):)

  4. I have this one to read as well. I always love deleted scenes, they sometimes tell so much.
    Thanks for sharing this one Jenny!

    1. ME TOO! It's just so much fun to see what didn't make it to the final version and why:)

  5. I have this one at home but haven't had time to read it. I'm so behind with work being so crazy! I'm really excited to dive into this world with this awesome sneak peek. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Ooo I love deleted scenes..and own this book, I cannot wait to crack it open and explore this world. Thanks for sharing these Jenny!

  7. I absolutely can not wait to read this one. I need to add it to my Christmas wishlist:) Thanks so much for sharing!

  8. I have a hard time figuring out how to begin writing a review, the beginning for a book is totally beyond me, which is why I don't write anything more than reviews and papers on linguistics.
    Dragons are pretty much irresistible to me so I'll be reading this very, very soon. I'm off to get a copy now, I have some time on my hands this month.

  9. You already had me at dragons and now you have me wanting this even more. Oh love the extra glimpse into this world. Must get. :)

  10. Hmmm... This is interesting, but I prefer the way the book started out in the final version. Thanks for sharing. I hope you had a wonderful holiday!

  11. Oh wow what an amazing extract! I was literally hanging on from the very first word. I admit I haven't read a book with scary fire breathing dragons in a long time, but this deleted scene makes me very excited about giving this book a go. Also I adore the name Scales of Time! :)

  12. Oh now that makes me want to read this! I mean ROWR!

  13. I enjoyed this when I read it awhile back. That's great to get to see a deleted scene!

  14. After reading that excerpt, I must get the book now!!!

  15. Oh, I haven't read my copy yet. This makes me want to get to it faster! Poor Connor!

  16. I love when authors give us deleted scenes, but I'm still not sure I'm going to read this book due to the love triangle. Thanks for posting!

  17. I do love me a dragon book, but for some reason, I just cannot finish this one. Sigh.