Friday, September 17, 2010

Cover Critique: Dylan


Let me preface this post by saying that my design critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts stemming from my design experience.

I'm flashing back a few years again to this cover for Dylan, because really, some of these slightly older romance covers are just too amusing for me to pass over without comment. First of all, our friend Dylan here seems to be riding some sort of mutant water buffalo, which, if you ask me, is not the sexiest form of transportation. I concede that it's more likely this is a horse, but I've spent a lot of time around horses and I've never seen one quite so fat and furry. It certainly doesn't help the horse is cropped at the ears and shoulder, leaving nothing but a wild mane and substantial body mass to determine it's species. That, and not too many people ride water buffalo (that I know of), but I think in this case it's a fairly easy mistake to make.

I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one. After the freakishly furry horse, the next thing I see is his, um, package. Manhood? Whatever you want to call it, it's blatantly being thrust in my face in all it's denim-clad glory. You're staring at it now aren't you? Well, no one can blame you, it's right there at eye level for all to gawk at. The position of his outstretched leg and the reins he's holding lead your eye right to that area, making an obvious stare unavoidable. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself as the alternative would be that I have a fixation with Dylan's fictional goods, a disturbing thought in and of itself.

If I were him, I would personally be concerned than in about .5 seconds, the water buffalo I'm riding is going to land from his current bucking movement, and my prized possessions are going to meet backbone in a very abrupt and painful way. Dylan here doesn't seem too concerned however. No, he's a romance hero and therefore impervious to pain, and things like being rendered incapable of reproducing are a non-issue. It's much more important to flex his six-pack, toss his left arm above his head in an I'm-so-manly-I-only-need-to-hold-on-with-one-hand-and-no-legs kind of way, safe with the knowledge that he has dangly bits of steel, and should any harm come to them, he will simply shake it off and walk away with a bowlegged country cowboy swagger. Color me impressed.

Honestly, in the grand design scheme of things this cover isn't that bad, but the horse and his position on it did make me giggle and who can't use a good giggle on a Friday? What's everyone else think of Dylan?

22 comments:

  1. errrrrr this cover makes me blush...then giggle...then realize *shit* (pardon me)...I've been staring at his errrr junk...the whole time ;)

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  2. Tori - It's a gift really, these covers just find their way to me and I have to share:)

    Melissa - ME TOO! I'm so glad I'm not the only one ogling the man's crotch;)

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  3. Excellent analysis. Oh, and the (I'm assuming) loaded gun strapped around his waist... You know, I've seen a rodeo or two on TV and I don't remember any of the cowboys riding a bronco armed. But maybe Dylan is not riding in a rodeo? Maybe he heard a commotion, threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt (and his trusty side arm) and ran out to the barn, saddled his horse (tightening the girth to the bucking bronco discomfort level) and headed out to...I don't know...rescue the damsel? It does look as though Dylan is the damsel in this case, though, doesn't it?

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  4. Zita - I like the way you're thinking about this, he clearly has no need for a firearm other than to puff himself up with a little added masculinity:)

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  5. *stares* Ooops! *giggles* Maybe he is saving water buffalo from the raging mountain fire, in the background. Clearly he cared so much he didn't have time to fasten his shirt.

    Does his "package" really require 2 belts? *unbuckles to check...* ;-) Oh, it's a holster for an object that is... *oh my*

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  6. West Coast - Brilliant. That is clearly what is happening. And honestly, what person would take the time to button their shirt when in the midst of a fire? Not me;) And yes, Dylan is clearly blessed with goods that require 2 belts to ensure he doesn't pop out of those snug jeans!

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  7. Bwahahah...I clicked the picture so I could see that in all it's full size glory.
    Have I told you how much I love your cover critiques?? You are hilarious!!!!

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  8. You had me shrieking with laughter. Ha, and I was too busy focusing on how uncomfortable he seems on the furry thing he's riding, that I only took notice of his package gawking at us when you mentioned it. Yes, I had to scroll up. Twice. Not sure if it's because I'm a perve or because my eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. I'm going to go with the last one. :)

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  9. Angelique - It really needs to be seen full size to truly appreciate his, um, assets;)

    bookfairyhaven - Yay! I'm glad everyone is finding the post entertaining. I spit out my water when I came across it. Tell your eyes to believe it, Dylan's putting everything out there to be publicly viewed:)

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  10. I'm dying of laughter! Honestly, I was one of those trying to figure out what kind of animal he was on and why he looked so uncomfortable on it for anything else. You just gotta love the older romance covers.

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  11. He seems to have lost all of the buttons on his shirt. So sad. Loved the water buffalo comment! :)

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  12. Oh, man. My eyes are still watering from the severe belly laughs I just had reading this! I can always count on you, Jenny! I love how you wrote an entire paragraph about a maybe-mutant water buffalo. LOL. Oh, and his good are in plain view - it IS a romance novel, no? You ladies know you pick these books up when the goods are well, good!

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  13. haha...nice cropping of the horse/buffalo

    Love

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  14. OMG this pic and post have made me giggle forever. Thank you!!!!

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  15. hehe I love your cover critiques!

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  16. OMG Jenny that was hilarious! I am looking forward to what's next!

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  17. Colette - It really is hard to tell it's a horse. It could be anything super furry - buffalo, bear, oddly colored camel. Ridiculous;)

    Jennifer - He has lost all his buttons, it's a tragedy. Lucky for us he was prepared for such a loss and has the toned pecs and abs!

    Ash - Thank you my dear:) I'm pretty sure if I saw this cover in the bookstore I would have picked it up and then taken a picture of the store clerk's face when I bought it.

    Mandi - Tis brilliant, I know.

    Pam - I've had this cover for weeks waiting to write this post and I busted out laughing every time I looked at it.

    Danielle - Thank you! I enjoy writing them:)

    Bells - I'll find something good for you, you just wait and see:)

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  18. Nice post! I needed a chuckle. I also wanted to let you know that you have been given a blog award at ABookGeek. http://abookgeek-llm.blogspot.com/2010/09/award.html

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  19. I thought he was riding a giant warthog.

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  20. Water buffalo! LOL!

    I'm trying desperately to make it over to any other posts I may have missed this week, but I can't stop reading the CC posts! So funny!

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  21. Hi there, I read your blogs on a regular basis. Your story-telling style is awesome, keep up the good work!


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