Cover Critique: Honeymoon of the Dead

Let me preface this post by saying that my design critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts stemming from my design experience.

If you haven't immediately noticed the oddity in this cover, check out our bride's left arm. Sweet baby Jesus. It's as though she took a growth hormone and it only affected this one particular appendage. The right arm seems to be of an ordinary length, so what is happening with her Gumby-inspired, freakishly-long left arm? And does she have an elbow in there, or is that arm boneless, free to flail about wherever it pleases? It could be dangerous to just let it flop about with no rhyme or reason. She could trip over it and knock and elderly person down the stairs. She could take someone's eye out if she's not careful where she aims. There's a plethora of potential disasters just waiting to happen here.

Imagine you're the groom at this wedding. The doors to the church open and there she is. Your bride. There's her lovely lace wedding gown. Her perfect rose bouquet. Her 5-foot long arm, knuckles dragging on the ground beside her like some sort of mutant primate-human hybrid. Brings a tear to the eye just picturing it doesn't it? Oh, and then once she reaches you, you can take her disproportionally tiny hands in yours and pledge your undying devotion. She's a vision. Statuesque, if you will.

I know the frilly bits around her wrists are supposed to be feathers, or some other plush fabric, but they look a little like firecrackers to me. Which, when you think about it, could be helpful in this situation. After all, if she were to lose a hand, that monstrosity of an appendage would be reduced to a shorter, more manageable length. Just saying. And then there's the suspicious bulge down by her legs. I'm going to assume this is her knee, but that is the pointiest knee I've ever seen. Heaven help her groom should she ever get extremely angry at him and decide to bring that weapon up and get him in the groin. He'll need surgery to find his parts again if they don't wind up impaled on her sharpened knee bone first.

Let's take a moment and peruse the space she's standing in shall we? Weirdness is happening in this room. First, we have the champagne glasses which seem to be contemplating jumping ship and hoisting themselves over the side of the table as they lean precariously left when the chair legs and window frame seem to be quite vertical. Then, our bride seems to be caught in some sort of crosswind. Her gauzy nightgown is blowing right, but the flames on the candles of the chandelier are blowing definitively left. What a fascinating conundrum this room is! Absolutely marvelous.

Poor, poor misshapen bride-to-be in her fun-house room. At least she has her cat. And perhaps a spider, as it looks like one has taken up residence in the wonky space created by the u-shape of her inexplicable left arm. I'm sure it's threads of some sort and not a web, but why are there so many strands running amuck in just that area? So many questions to which I have no plausible answers other than this cover is beyond awesome.

What do you guys think?

A big thanks to Zita for sending this cover to me, I appreciate you thinking of me when you see cover absurdities!